I'll Pray For You....Sara Evans

Sometimes I wish I could run home to mama's lovin' arms
In the springtime, when the weather's fine
Sittin' with her on the porch, glass of tea and nothin' more
Than her smile, for just a little while
And when I don't know where to go
I think of home and how you use to sing to me, she sang

---Chorus---
Que sera, sera, life goes on
Whatever's meant to be will always be
And baby what don't kill you, will make you strong
Just love the journey that your on
In all you do, I'll pray for you

Wild horses and fairy tales sometimes turn into somethin' else
That you never saw comin' at you at all
So I guess I'm callin' just because he wasnt who I thought he was
And I can't believe he stopped lovin' me
So, when I'm feelin' all alone
I think of home and how you used to sing to me

---Repeat Chorus---
Que sera, sera, life goes on
Whatever's meant to be will always be
And baby what don't kill you, will make you strong
Just love the journey that your on
In all you do, I'll pray for you

I got babies of my own
And I'm the one that they're countin' on to be here
For every little tear, and I'll sing

---Repeat Chorus---
Que sera, sera, life goes on
Whatever's meant to be will always be
And baby what don't kill you, will make you strong
Just love the journey that your on
In all you do, I'll pray for you

I have a lot on my plate. I am, first and foremost, a mother to two adorable, yet crazy boys. Both boys are in football -- this is Dane's first year in tackle -- which is WAY WAY WAY involved. He's in practice every day this week -- 2 hours from 5:30-7:30. It's prime family, dinner, homework time....it finds us all very frantic. Dane was complaining about his cleats (that he wore last year) so we went to get him new one's after school. THE KID WEARS A SIZE THREE...and I had him jammed into a size 1.5. Fifty bucks later -- he looks like a walking Adidas ad (although much cuter.) Their team will probably be good but their coaches are SO OVER THE TOP -- SCREAMING at these boys like drill seargants... 7, 8 and 9 year olds...yuck. I happen to be able to sit with the team mom's last night -- and they are just as whacky, if you ask me. They brought out their yoga mats and did the last HOUR of conditioning with all the boys....and by conditioning I mean ... I saw at least two kids throw up. Lucky for me -- Dane's in tip top shape (thanks to hours spent on the wii fit...LMAO)....

...mother of the year I tell ya. It will be intersting to see how Dane handles this pressure -- and if he starts to crack, if Joel can be the dad that I know he can be -- or be the dad I know him to be.... (follow that....just try). I pray that we don't end up in spats this season over me protecting my son's heart and spirit while he protects his competitive nature and overall badass manly manhood. puke.

Also, nursing school starts next week. Again. Block 3, take 2. I could just throw up. It's at a new school and so the fresh start is welcome -- but it's also nerve wrecking. We have a math quiz on the first day. So, I spent some time today going over math problems. I'm going to try to get all the reading done by the first day of school too...we'll see. I promise that I am 100% dedicated to getting this done. If work suffers, it suffers. If my relationship suffers, it suffers....I don't know what else I can do. This has GOT TO END. I can't wait to wear navy blue -- and get paid what I truly believe I'm worth...oh, and help people....I'm in this to help people....(I am...really.) It's my calling -- and it's been an absolute ride getting here, but I just have to do it. Anyway, the song I posted is on my "nursing school" CD and it's also on my "divorce" CD - the CD is a gentle reminder that there are mountains to climb and valleys to crawl thru. Bumps. Bruises. I needed to hear it today.

And I'm a girlfriend -- a uh, fiance. I just haven't been feeling so lovey dovey lately. We dont' see each other much -- and sometimes I just wonder what we have in common. It's just a low -- and it will be fine, but I just feel like it's "another person" to have to answer to and help take care of...I don't have enough of me to go around, and I'm afraid Justin will get the raw end of the deal. I love you, baby...if you even know how to read this....and I apologize in advance for the lack of quality time we will spend together.

And, somewhere in there I'm a daughter, sister and friend. All of which I suck at right now. I have to. Tonight my family is meeting to discuss Rick's expectations in order for him to go to rehab...his demands...on my family...for him to goto rehab. Baffles me. I told him, too. "It just makes me want to become and alcoholic, check into a 4-6 month rehab -- get paid while I'm there and get promised a job -- more than I will ever make, mind you -- when I get out"... Are you kidding me? If we're giving handouts I know a mother of two, who is working full time for pennies and going to school who really needs a hand out. ugh...lol....kind of. And, yet...my family loves. My family will give....they will give thousands of dollars to a man who has proven time and time again that his word is worthless. They are hard words to hear -- hard to even type -- but it's the truth. I pray for my family -- and that we all make it thru this...cause this crack is running really really deep.

So, there you have it....and I'm left with nothing left to say but

Que sera, sera, life goes on
Whatever's meant to be will always be
And baby what don't kill you, will make you strong
Just love the journey that your on
In all you do, I'll pray for you