I'm just me...

it's hard to be anything other than yourself.

Boy that's deep.

I've been in a period of self reflection lately. I suppose it's a combination of a difficulties with Joel, friends going thru tough times and simply getting older. I don't have the time, nor the energy, to be reflecting, which I guess is probably what makes this THE right time to do it.

Why do I run in so many directions? Why do I have my hand stiring so many pots? Why am I *that* friend?

I don't know the answer to any of those questions. What I do know is that it is really important for me to be surrounded with people who are happy -- and that sometimes comes at a price. I would bend over backwards for my friends. It's much easier for me to be there for them and put my life on the back burner. I would argue that this sort of friendship has the potential to pay me back ten fold. I would hope that in a moment of need that I would be able to turn to my friends and they would drop everything to help me.

But would they?

And really, would I let them?