"Let go and Let God"

...that is what I got out of my counseling session yesterday. It's pretty powerful, if you think about it...and I wish, more than anything, that I could do just that!

Money seems to be the root of all evil in this household. We are completely broke....broke, like we have no idea how we are going to make rent this month, broke. Broke like (thank God counseling is free -- THANK YOU ARMY) but we worried about how we were going to spend money on gas. Broke. It's depressing and sad...but some of it -- well, it's just going to happen. I have to stop being such a crazed woman about it -- and let life happen. I'm broke because of the place I got myself into. It's not Justin's fault and it's not Joel's fault. It's mine.

Let go and Let God....

Dane has his speech for Student Council Treasurer this morning -- I called out of work -- there are some things that money can't buy -- and it's most CERTAINLY my son's first courageous move at Student Council. Afterall, when he is President, it will make a cool story to say, we were broke as all get out but I just couldn't force myself to work that day. I want Dane to look out into the crowd and see his proud mom...and I want to be there for him if he screws up too (my worry, my worry -- Let go and Let God...) Then he rushes off to a waterpark fieldtrip -- which will easily take his mind off of the election...

The boys goto their dad's today -- I hate my weekends without them. I'm feeling especially sorry for myself today because I have been pretty hard on them the last two nights. They have been pushing every button that Justin and I have. I suppose it could be the end of the year spaz attacks but never the less, it doesn't fly in this household.

...and I woke up this morning...weighed myself and I'm officially fat. Disgustingly fat...and I ponder...HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!? I've gained 30+ pounds since November. Justin and I got back together in November -- could the happiness be at fault. I've also been on 3 new medications, birth control, an anti depressant and an anti anxiety...If it is medications -- i'm screwed...but would I rather cry once in awhile and have panic attacks as a fat person...or skinnier....

LET GO AND LET GOD.

Anyway, other than that...things are okay. Enjoying my summer as much as a broke girl can. I need to get going and scoot the boys along...we've got a big day ahead. I need to make a conscious decision to relax a little and let life happen...to simply,

LET GO AND LET GOD.