Has anyone read the Secret?

I never really believed in it -- sure it was a cool idea that I wished were true. I mean if I wake up every morning and visualize my bank account with millions, I would love for money to miraculously appear, but reality proves otherwise. The other day when I was watching Oprah they were talking about The Secret again...and I had to watch. I figured I'd start acknowledging the book. I bought that book for a dear friend of mine at the time. She was in as much deep need of some spiritual guidance and support as I was. She had experienced a parental loss like mine, was stuck in a doomed relationship with little education and a job record that would make most employers laugh. We talked so much about how we both needed to stand on our own two feet. I hoped the book could give us both some insight.

Since that time, I have taken steps to change my life and change is occurring all around me. I dreamed of returning to nursing to school to achieve my dream job in nursing -- and as I sit, I am fulfilling that dream with nothing but my own sweat, hard work and tears to credit. I wanted a time of financial independence from anyone other than myself and while I have $143 a month in child support (for both boys) until Cole is 18 -- and I do recieve alimony until 2010, I am going to be able to do it on my own eventually. (I am grateful for Joel's support, I do not, in any way wish to sound any different) But, I longed of a better time. Here I sit on the cusp of a better time. I wished to be surrounded by the non judgmental, and when I really look past the hurt of late, I realize, I am actually succeeding in that.

Some of you have been asking me why I have kept my journal public. I am doing it because each time I hear negativity about my own thoughts and my own life, it actually is helping me gain strength. I know that the things that made me sad about the changes in my life have actually proved to be just what the doctor ordered. A funny ironic note, I got another nasty email regarding my life from someone who clearly has as much knowledge as he has the ability to spell check or have his girlfriend check his grammar. It is so powerful to me. I can't quite understand why someone who apparently has so much disrespect for me reads my blog perhaps as my most faithful reader.

So in light of The Secret -- thank you. Thank you for showing me that I am on the right path. A path of healing and strength. Thank you for showing me that the life I had wasn't all that Joel and I faked it to be. Thank you for having me acknowledge that the life we had was far better when we focused on the two of us and didn't worry about entertaining our friends. Thank you for the lesson that you have taught me and continue to show me because it could easily save my relationships in the future. Your ugliness is a pat on the back in my growth. In the meantime, I'll keep my blog public because maybe someone needs to read it as much as I need to journal it-- That maybe someone will change their meanness -- or reevaluate their life or their relationship -- maybe someone will even avoid losing their relationship and maybe, just maybe, we will all become better people by it.

And that, folks, just might be the secret.