Rebuilding -- Anger

I've been moving the last week and a half. It was suppose to be over on Monday -- but in true Nusbaum form -- ex-dick needed to make it difficult. It's been a hellish war since then to which I finally conceded this morning...simply to tell him to shut the fuck up and leave me alone. No one wins in this constant battling -- and frankly, my life is too busy to deal with his issues too. I made an emergency counseling appt too. All this on top of not feeling well....could be the flu, could just be nerves. I feel a lot like I did in the days post-retreat. I managed to only throw up once at my therapist's office though....nothing quite like paying someone while you puke. Lovely

Anyway -- back to anger -- which is so apropos on a day like today. I am ENRAGED by anger. I'm giving myself room to be pissed off at the situation, the ugliness, the ultimate death of a man I loved more than life for 14+ years of my life. I haven't a clue who he is and wonder truly if it's even human. I am justified to be TICKED off that he always gets his damn way. I've been doing it our whole lives though -- setting him up -- and taking his fall. I guess I don't know why it surprises me now. *sigh*

Ok, so to the questions -- (sidebar requested....) Okay, hi there. This is just you and me here... when I read books like this one -- or political such books, I underline, highlight, and write notes all over it.... YOU SHOULD SEE THIS CHAPTER...all sorts of profanity and underlines and colorful little comments...clearly I'm one ANGRY person....) So, ya....I'm definitely NOT past this anger building block.

1. I can communicate with my former love partner in a calm and rational manner.

Generally, satisfactory -- however not this week. He, however, is always mad when he talks to me. I'm usually trying to tame the wild beast

2. I am comfortable seeing and talking to my former love partner.

Satisfactory

3. I no longer feel like unloading my feelings of anger and hurt on my former love partner.

Needs Improvement

4. I have stopped hoping that my former love partner is feeling as much emotional pain as I am.

Unsatisfactory -- I hope that bastard hurts.

5. I no longer feel so angry at my former love partner.

Unsatisfactory

6. It is not important any more that my family, friends, and associates be on my side rather than on my former love partner's side.

Needs improvement. I will always want my family on my side --

7. I have outgrown the need to get even with my former love partner for hurting me.

Satisfactory. Never been a tit for tat kind of person -- wish he wasn't.

8. I no longer blame my former love partner for the failure of our love relationship.

Not sure how to answer this. The breakdown of our marriage was or either was not any one's individual fault. 50/50

9. I have stopped trying to hurt my former love partner by letting him know how much I hurt emotionally.

Satisfactory

10. I have overcome my anger and have begun to accept the things my former love partner has been doing.

Unsatisfactory

11. I am expressing my anger in a positive manner that is not destructive to me or to those around me.

Needs improvement. Thank God for Justin...and Kerry. Their strong backs are carrying me through the tough times....and sometimes those times aren't so pretty -- or kind.

12. I am able to admit it when I feel angry rather than denying my angry feelings.

Satisfactory

13. I understand the emotional blocks that have kept me from expressing anger in a positive manner.

Satisfactory

14. I am able to express my anger constructively rather than venting it inappropriately.

Needs improvement.....some days are better than others.

15. I am reaching a stage of forgiveness rather than remaining angry.

Unsatisfactory.