In the world of hills and valleys -- I am definitely in a valley....

Things are incredibly difficult right now...I'm trying to keep perspective but it's all just coming down on me so hard right now. Justin has been out of a job for 3 weeks now. I know that he is looking hard, but it is just too much for me right now. We are beyond broke. Rent is due in less than a month -- and that's also Dane's 9th birthday. I have 9 dollars in my bank account right now...how am I going to figure this all out. I also just found out that I didn't get into a nursing program for fall...which means that I will have to start paying financial aide, pay back my previous scholarship and wait again to try and get in for Spring 2010. I don't know if I should just give up the dream of being a nurse. I cannot survive on my income. I could sit for my LPN -- but I'd have to leave Banner because they aren't hiring LPNs anymore. I just talked to a friend of mine who got her LPN and she can't find a job. SO, it is a possiblity that even if I took my boards and got my license (again, another issue since the DUI) that I wouldn't even be able to find a job....OR do I just look again in the social work field that my degree is in and bag nursing school and my dream all together!?

There is no easy answer -- nothing that is the right thing to do. I'm feeling very depressed. I've gained almost 40 pounds since November -- which is when I went on my antidepressant -- so I really need to call the doctor about that. I go to my GYN tomorrow on a follow up on a irregular pap (lovely)...and it's a new doctor so I have to fill out all the super fun paperwork and start anew. I'm extremely sleepy - have offers to do things with people but don't want to. I'm falling. I know it. I feel it. But, there isn't a thing that can be done about it.