Last night I was in a funk. After working all day, I came home to a very hot house --and then there was that little fiasco about Cole's cast. (I apologize for my language and anger in the previous post). Justin made us an artichoke for dinner and we sat down to catch up on TV. We ended up watching Oprah's interview with Whitney Houston. (Probably not Justin's first choice -- but he's a trooper!) I ended up crying thru 2/3rds of it. (I'm slightly ridiculous, I know.) You can love Oprah or hate her -- but there are times when she interviews someone and I almost feel like I'm eavesdropping on her dinner conversation with a dear friend. This was one of those times.
Whitney came across very calm and strong. The world has all heard about her issues with drugs and the abuse that she suffered at the hands of Bobbie Brown. I understand there are two sides to every story (and I generally stick to the idea that the truth probably lies somewhere in the middle.) I just didn't expect to like her so much-- to feel her, but I did. There was a point in the interview when Oprah asked her if something happened that made her realize she had to get out -- was it something that her daughter said or saw. She got all quiet and, with tears in her eyes, said "She saw enough....she saw enough." Zap -- straight to my heart. I know what she means. I had a moment like that with Dane towards the end of my marriage. Joel was in a rage -- yelling at me and throwing stuff because I wouldn't give him my cell phone -- I said I was going to call the police. Dane came in with tears in his eyes -- ran and grabbed the phone and said "NO MOMMY, DON'T!" Ouch. Joel moved out later that day.
Whitney is such a beautiful woman. She looks so healthy -- peaceful. She has an unbelievable faith in God. I wish I had a stronger conviction about religion. (Another great song "I Look To You" -- Joy...Mom...you guys would love those lyrics and that song -- watch your emails). There is a Catholic church being built literally 100 yards from me. I want to start going to church again. I just want to have at least one hour a week where I just meditate. I don't believe it needs to be in a church -- but for me -- it helps me deep inside. I regret not having Jesus be part of my children's life. Other than prayer before dinner and bed, we don't live a religious life unless there's a holiday. I sort of lost religion after my dad died -- and you know what -- that is kind of backwards. My dad would hate that.
Anyway, then Whitney sang her new song -- it was written by R. Kelly almost 12 years ago (which is crazy to me!) I think I might have to Napster it and make it my new motto....(Sorry Harry, it's goodbye for now, but don't worry....I'll always come back to you.) (hehehee)
I Didn't Know My Own Strength
Lost touch with my soul
I had no where to turn
I had no where to go
Lost sight of my dream,
Thought it would be the end of me
I thought I’d never make it through
I had no hope to hold on to,
I thought I would break
I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn’t know my own strength
Found hope in my heart,
I found the light to life
My way out of the dark
Found all that I need
Here inside of me
I thought I’d never find my way
I thought I’d never lift that weight
I thought I would break
I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn’t know my own strength
There were so many times I
Wondered how I’d get through the night I
Thought took all I could take
I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn’t know my own strength
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