Time to travel, perhaps near or to water. Move to a new area. A change of pace and scenery. A slowing down. This part of your journey needs reverence and thought. Pick up the pieces and move on. Regained health, but it's been a slow process. Take slow methodical steps. Keep your chin up, this is a time of recovery. Sadness, but not depression. Coping. Hope is renewed.

Today has been a crappy day. My lab practicum didn't go well -- I'm starting behind the eight ball in school and it is more than frustrating. Justin's truck broke down -- we don't have enough much for rent. Joel is late on child support (again), my interlock appt is Sat and I have to pay for my payment of classes on the 5th...I hate asking people for money. My financial aid is taking forever...I hate being in this postion.

I'm suppose to go and see my brother tonight again --and frankly, I don't have it in me. I went out of my way to buy him some things and make him a picture collage, only when I got there (remember he's in rehab) he wasnt there. I waited for an hour. Now he wants me to come back and bring dinner. I just don't think I can. Ihave to study for my math re-test tomorrow...and I'm sad. So sad. I dont' know why this keeps happening. I know that it's just because we were so behind on bills due to J being out of work for awhile...and then fun stuff had to be paid like my registration, etc...but what in the world are we suppose to do?

I'm at a loss -- feeling extremely helpless.

And, I want out -- I want out of here...I wanna move to the water -- I want healing and growth... I want to be able to be happy -- be who I am without the worry of where the next buck is going to come from. I wanna feel secure. safe.

I want a do over.

Give me the white towel....

I don't wanna play anymore.