Clouds may be obscuring truth. Not as bright as things could be, but not dark either. A mitigating of circumstances. Possible sadness. Burn out from a job or relationship. Time to sit this one out until bright sun returns. Positive energies dampened, but not completely gone. Focus on good still at hand until time passes. Confusion and concealment. Truth is still there, but may be hidden. A slower than expected recovery from illness. Relationship in some trouble but still salvageable.

Sometimes it's truly amazing how "on" my tarot reading is each day. I know that a lot of credence isn't really placed on the power of the tarot, horoscopes, or what not -- but I like to read them and interpret them into my life. Somedays are much easier than others -- like today for instance.

Yesterday was a really hard day. I am going to mainly leave it at that. I will also say that I had a panic attack which really really sucks. I kept trying to stay positive, but when the puppy pooped in the house and then both boys stepped in it (in their shoes) and walked all around the house, I really lost it. I just cried and cried. I guess after that -- I felt better. Odd, how crying can release so many pent up feelings.

I'm so stressed out - it's crazy. School is so much. I'm doing okay but I always feel behind the 8 ball. There are so many things on my perpetual "to do" list and I have so little time to really get anything done. Today I have off. I have to go to school and get some things taken care of...I'm going to study some too. I have a tax appointment today that is freaking me out - I am ammending my taxes last year to appease Joel -- and then from now on out we are each claiming one child and HOH. I am just so afraid that it's going to fuck me over majorly. *sigh* I'm trying not to worry about it until there is reason to worry about it. (Ya, I suck at that.) Then I have to pick up the boys from school so I can spend some time with them before I have to drop them off with my sister so I can goto a Shared Leadership meeting at work...only to go hang out with them for a couple more hours before I let them sleep over there -- because I have to work bright and early on Friday and neither Justin nor I can take them to school. *sigh* I'm training some new guy (I hate training) so I have to be there early. I'll do what I can. I'm very much looking forward to this weekend.

The boys are doing okay. I think I finally got their insurance worked out. I got $700 from their dad -- which is at least something. I paid a bunch of bills and made the boys dentist appointments. I've bent over backwards for Joel lately -- and I am disappointed that he is stalling at helping me get the boys their passports. I have learned time and time again that he is NOT the man I married -- nor is he the man I divorced. It still hurts though. As far as getting the boys into counseling -- well, I'm going to start looking into that as well. I got a great list of references from some friends and so I'll start there. I have befriended Jen (yep, JHO) and she's on board trying to get Joel to understand that counseling has a benefit. We will see. Dane would like to go. We also started a journal for Dane. He writes in it daily and then Joel and I (whichever house he is at) responds and the journal travels back and fourth. It is meant to show Dane that he can say whatever and that Joel and I (and our significant others) are all on the same page. Only Dane, Joel, and I can read it -- not Cole, not Jen, not her children, and not Justin. It's suppose to be about how he's feeling -- and we can't judge but just say how we feel back. We will see how it goes. It's interesting reading Joel's responses. He is trying to be a better Dad -- and for that, I guess he is worth the pain in my heart.

Today is a new day....I will try to breathe and get some stuff done. Being productive -- staying prepared is the only way I'll get out of this alive.