PANIC ATTACK!!

I had one today...........it was terrifying.

I have no idea how I am going manage my stress load...I am literally hanging by the teensiest thread.

My dad went into the hospital on Saturday -- HOPEFULLY it is JUST pneumonia, but they are worried there is a underline lung cancer causing the fluid... just the word "cancer" scares all of us -- my dad was a smoker for many many years -- he's been stopped for almost 5 years now...but.......he's my dad....and I love him more than anything.

The boys started their daycare/summer camp yesterday -- which was brutal for cole. Dane tried to suck it up and be a big boy -- I don't know which is harder on me.

I start my job today -- am going to leave the house in about 10 minutes....I haven't a clue what to expect...my first day back to professional work in 7 years....sigh

The house being on the market is totally stressing me out -- the people, the dogs, cleaning, just the unknown of it all.

Joel....well, things are improving there....we've been talking a lot. He is working on his life and I am working on mine. We are signed up for a weekend retreat at the end of the month. Feeling all sorts of nervous anxiety and anticipation in regard to that. But I do love him....and my children love him...and I will be "married" to him if only as parents forever, so it's the least we can do for each other.

The divorce is still going forward though in the way of I just got a bill...and so did he...and money is tighter than either of us can live thru.

As far as all other relationships in my life -- there is so much change. There is still so much disappointment in people -- really figuring out people aren't really who you thought they were. It's a painful process.

What else in my cheery mother of a life...