I was so touched by Heather's post...I'm copying it...

Dane is my favorite....absolutely and positively. He was born after I suffered a miscarriage. I suffered... I did. Joel and I went thru some brutally eye opening awakenings together there. I finally understand what it means to be "hormonal,""depressed" and the feeling of "failure." Dane answered every question and every dream I ever had. His pregnancy was riddled with worry. I bled heavily...I had partial placenta previa. I did everything "right" in my pregnancy with him. I found a God that I never knew before. I learned how to love my husband like I've never loved another before. We prayed, we dreamed...we longed for Dane. We wanted a boy. We got our boy. After a horrendous multi-day labor, via c-section my world changed....and Dane was ours. I am not kidding, I worship this child. He is thoughtful and loving. I love that he sucked his thumb and co-slept. I love that he has big huge beautiful brown "deer" eyes. He is his daddy in so many ways. And, now he's 6 1/2...at the moment screaming with his daddy about some bad call the referee made. He's brilliant...and beautiful...and kind and considerate. Dane is my favorite.

Cole is my favorite. He is absolutely without a doubt the kid that makes me smile. He is our "bobo". His sweet voice and funny sayings make life all worth it. My pregnancy with him was difficult. All the Drs. were convinced he had issues....initially it was Downs, then some other chromosome issue...and then some sort of heart issue. I have never been so scared. I have never prayed so hard. And, just like our child that we miscarried taught us a lesson of compassion, I learned that no one (NO ONE) knows what they would do if they were faced with those words.... Joel and I bonded incredibly throughout Cole's pregnancy...begging for God's grace (or sympathy, we'd take it). Our family rallied...and we had prayer groups circling us.... Cole is perfect. Crazy. Insane. Born into a room of naysayers and doubt and came out screaming and beautifully perfect. A moment I will never...NEVER forget..... I loved Cole instantly. I had no fear of "what if's" or "how do you's". I was his mother...already a good mother...and literally kissing his feet (beautifully perfectly shaped feet, LOL) from the day he was born. Now I revel in him keeping up with his brother and all the cute things he says. I worship my time just him and me now that his brothers in school....and just the other day Cole said to me "Mom, you are my best friend" *sigh* I could die a happy woman.

And to mimic Heather (as I sit here in tears...hello, reality)...

"I only have one favorite child. And they both are that child."

The War

I just heard that the death toll in Iraq has now surpassed the death toll from 9/11.

Just think about that.



Just think about that.

It's time we start asking the tough questions and facing the answers. If a mistake was made, how do we fix it? If we pull out will it start a civil war in their land? How many more men and women must die?

It's time to start thinking...

I am, in no way, saying that I know what the answer is...

I'm simply saying that it makes me sad.

It makes me scared.

It makes me think.

I just stumbled upon these random thoughts and wanted to share...

Maybe... the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Maybe... We are supposed to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that, when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Maybe... when the door of happiness closes, another opens; but, often times, we look so long at the closed door that we don't even see the new one which has been opened for us.

Maybe... it is true that we don't know what we have got until we lose it, but it is also true that we don't know what we have been missing until it arrives.

Maybe... you should dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you dream of and want to do.

Maybe... there are moments in life when you miss someone -- a parent, a spouse, a friend, a child -- so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.

Maybe... the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

Maybe... you should always try to put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that something could hurt you, it probably will hurt the other person, too.

Maybe... you should do something nice for someone every single day, even if it is simply to leave them alone.

Maybe... giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but, if it doesn't, be content that it grew in yours.

Maybe... you shouldn't go for looks; they can deceive; don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

It's literally 11:59pm on 12/24...

Santa just finished....Joel and I are headed to the couch for one night cap and then to hit the sack. It's been a wonderful day -- church and then fun times at my parents with my brothers and sister (missing one sister....boohoo). There were a lot of magical moments with the boys....definitely what the season is all about....(oh, and that Jesus fellow).....I'm excited to see the kiddos faces in the morning....Oh yippee!! Goodnight dear blogger friends...and Merry Merry Christmas!!!

I'm feeling happy today

I've finally caught up -- my house is clean, my presents are wrapped, my gifts are bought, my children are fed, my relationship is getting better, my friends are solid, my parents are the best, my kids are on Christmas break, my class is over, I've got nothing on my calendar -- and here I sit watching my sons play football in the backyard with a friend, a hummingbird is eating from it's feeder, my flowers are beautiful and I just feel happy.

Think of it as a tribute to common sense in the face of insanity.

The Bush administration has actually put an anti-birth control extremist in charge of Title X, America's family planning program.

I'm speechless.

A $283 million federal family planning budget is being placed into the hands of someone who long served as medical director of a group that insisted distributing contraceptive drugs and devices is "demeaning to women"?

To give a woman a choice to protect her body, her life, her future...is demeaning? Is that a joke?

The Keroack appointment is no joke. Putting someone who has crusaded against birth control in charge of Title X, America's family planning program, makes a mockery of women's health and reproductive freedom as a human right. I can almost hear the argument "it's family planning Kristen" -- ya well, it's also planning for a family that you have the resources, time, and most of love for when you want it and are able to embrace it.

It's a blatant attempt to drag America back in a partisan direction when, at the moment, we have an enormous opportunity to move forward. Bush has said he will use every moment of his presidency, and he's not kidding. He didn't learn from public opinion polls that the huge majority of Americans support the right to decide when and whether to have children. He hasn't learned from the last election, either.

Every year, Title X services help women and men prevent an estimated 1.3 million unintended pregnancies and provide essential reproductive health services to millions of women.

We can't just sit back and shake our heads about the Keroack appointment. I truly believe it should be our incentive to support the far-reaching efforts of other men and women who want to ensure women's access to health care and to stand up for women's rights. We should write our legislature and use our voice.

If you are interested, you could help Planned Parenthood in many different aspects. Or, you could contact your representitives... in Arizona, on a Federal level we have Bush, McCain, Flake, and Kyl (Click here to email them) and on a state level, there is Napolitano (email)<--- that link will also bring you to a place where you type in your 9 digit zip code for the representatives in your exact legistlative district.

Ok, stepping off the soapbox now.

My life in concerts.....(not necessarily in that order).....

1. The Styx
2. Rush
3. Aerosmith
4. Air Supply
5. Alice Cooper
6. AC/DC
7. Billy Idol
8. Metallica -- 3 times
9. Guns n Roses -- a number of times
10. Rod Stewart
11. Kiss
12. Fleetwood Mac
13. Van Halen -- a number of times
14. All
15. Big Drill Car
16. Fugazi
17. The Henry Rollins Band
18. Counter Punch
19. Descendents
20. Alanis Morrissette
21. Blind Melon
22. Lenny Kravitz
23. Pat Benetar
24. Blues Traveller -- a number of times
25. Alan Jackson -- twice
26. George Strait
27. Dierks Bentley -- a number of times
28. Kenny Chesney -- a number of times
29. Tim McGraw -- more than a number of times....drooooooooooool.
30. Faith Hill -- a number of times
31. Cheap Trick
32. Dixie Chicks -- twice
33. Phil Collins
34. GoGos
35. Counting Crows
36. Neil Young
37. Crosby Stills & Nash (with Young) -- twice
38. Sheryl Crow
39. Def Leppard
40. The Cure
41. Social Distortion
42. Eagles
43. Carrie Underwood
44. Cross Canadian Ragweed
45. Miranda Lambert
46. Leann Rymes
47. Shania Twain
48. Billy Currington
49. The Wallflowers
50. Jimmy Buffett -- a number of times.
51. American Idol concerts (LOL)
52. Big and Rich
53. Cowboy Troy
54. Gretchen Wilson
55. Billy Joel
56. Beastie Boys
57. Alice in Chains
58. Black Sabbath
59. O-Z-Z-Y
60. Bonnie Raitt
61. Cat Stevens
62. Steve Miller Band
63. Jewel
64. Kenny Rogers
65. Neil Diamond -- a number of times
66. Phil Vassar
67. Simon and Garfunkel
68. REM
69. Reba McEntire
70. Sugarland
71. The Wiggles (LOL)
72. Toby Keith
73. Violent Femmes
74. Faith No More
75. The Allman Brothers

.....and I give up...

Annie ...you win! :-) You are a ROCKSTAR, girlfriend!!

I really regret not seeing the Grateful Dead -- Madonna too..... Eminem too....

and next up to be added on my list -- Justin Timberlake and Pink in January....

Bad things do happen in threes

I'm trying -- really trying -- not to just crawl up in a ball and cry. I am not sure I'm winning the battle.

Joel currently is on a flight back to Wisconsin for his best friend's dad's funeral (were those proper use of apostrophes? anyway....) Jesse called on Friday and said, "my dad just died." I was seriously stunned. Apparently, he had a massive heart attack when he was home alone. Jesse's mom found him when she got home and tried to do CPR. It was far too late. I tried to mumble and fumble out the words that would express my absolute devastation for him -- another battle that I lost. Anyway, the funeral is on Monday -- so Joel flew out and will be home on Tuesday. Quick trip, but he needs to be there.

This is on top of 2 other deaths this week (hence the title). I didn't actually KNOW either of those women, however, only knew their family...but still....death. It's such a horrible time of year to lose someone. I can't imagine ever losing my parents, but then to lose them during the holidays, it's almost too much for me to swallow.

So anyway, time moves on for those who survive. Jesse and Amy are pregnant. He/She is the first grandchild.



*sigh*

A life light expires right as one is soon to be lit.

*sigh*

Anyone care to see my transformation?

I like change....




Here's me before....



and after...










Now we'll see if blondes have more fun -- somehow I am having trouble believing that tonight...woohoo!!

In the spirit of the season....

I just got this from my mom and dad -- it sure did make me smile, so I thought I'd share.

Adventure with Grandma

I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid. I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even dummies know that!"

My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that day because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her world-famous cinnamon buns. I knew they were world-famous, because Grandma said so. It had to be true.

Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told her everything. She was ready for me. "NO Santa Claus!!" she snorted. "Ridiculous!" Don't believe it! That rumor has been going around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad. Now, put on your coat, and let's go."

"Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my second world-famous, cinnamon bun. "Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything. As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days. "Take this money," she said, "and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car." Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's. I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by myself. The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping. For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that ten dollar bill, wondering what to by, and who on earth to buy it for.

I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbors, the kids at school, the people who went to my church. I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker. He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's grade-two class. Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out to recess during the winter. His mother always wrote a note, telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker didn't have a cough, and he didn't have a coat. I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobby Decker a coat!

I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real warm and he would like that. "Is this a Christmas present for someone" the lady behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down. "Yes," I replied shyly. "It'......for Bobby." The nice lady smiled at me. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag and wished me a Merry Christmas. That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat in Christmas paper and ribbons (a little tag fell out of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her Bible) and wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on it -- Grandma said that Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially one of Santa's helpers. Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and she and I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk. The Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going."

I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down on his step, pounded his doorbell and flew back to the safety of the bushes and Grandma. Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.

Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering, beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes. That night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they were: ridiculous.

Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team.

I still have the Bible, with the tag tucked inside: $19.95.

He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree.