The clouds have lifted and the sun is brightly shining. My head is clearing as well, and my eyes are beginning to see the beauty of the light. Promise. Hope. Happiness.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

R.I.P - Dr. Tiller

I am absolutely disgusted by the brutal murder of Dr. George Tiller. I know, I know, many people will stand up for this murder by somehow trying to prove that by taking him out they are saving many others. I simply don't believe it is true and I believe with ever fiber that runs deep into my soul, that Dr. Tiller will be up in heaven and the rat bastard, coward, person who took his life will rot in hell where he belongs.

Dr. Tiller was the epitome of high quality medical care underscored by deep compassion for his patients. He provided critical reproductive health care services, including abortion services, to women facing some of the most difficult medical circumstances. He was continually harassed by abortion opponents for much of his career - his clinic was burned down, he was shot by a health center protester, and he was recently targeted for investigation only to be acquitted by a jury just a few months ago.

None of this stopped George Tiller from his commitment to providing women and their families with compassionate care that others were unwilling to offer.

His death is an enormous loss for the patients who relied on him, his dedicated staff, and the medical community. And it is also a loss everyone who respects his courage against unbelievable adversity. I am deeply sorry for his family and his friends. What a beautiful life snuffed out too soon.

A somber read -- but truly powerful:

What follows are remarks delivered by Canadian abortion doctor Garson Romalis on Jan. 25, at the University of Toronto Law School's Symposium to Mark the 20th Anniversary of R. vs. Morgentaler---
Why I am an abortion doctor
'I can take a woman, in the biggest trouble she has ever experienced in her life, and by performing a five-minute operation, in comfort and dignity, I can give her back her life'

I am honoured to be speaking today, and honored to call Henry Morgentaler my friend.

I have been an abortion provider since 1972. Why do I do abortions, and why do I continue to do abortions, despite two murder attempts?

The first time I started to think about abortion was in 1960, when I was in second year medical school. I was assigned the case of a young woman who had died of a septic abortion. She had aborted herself using slippery elm bark.

I had never heard of slippery elm. A buddy and I went down to skid row, and without too much difficulty, purchased some slippery elm bark to use as a visual aid in our presentation. Slippery elm is not sterile, and frequently contains spores of the bacteria that cause gas gangrene. It is called slippery elm because, when it gets wet, it feels slippery. This makes it easier to slide slender pieces through the cervix where they absorb water, expand, dilate the cervix, produce infection and induce abortion. The young woman in our case developed an overwhelming infection. At autopsy she had multiple abscesses throughout her body, in her brain, lungs, liver and abdomen.

I have never forgotten that case.

After I graduated from University of British Columbia medical school in 1962, I went to Chicago, where I served my internship and Ob/Gyn residency at Cook County Hospital. At that time, Cook County had about 3,000 beds, and served a mainly indigent population. If you were really sick, or really poor, or both, Cook County was where you went.

The first month of my internship was spent on Ward 41, the septic obstetrics ward. Yes, it's hard to believe now, but in those days, they had one ward dedicated exclusively to septic complications of pregnancy.

About 90% of the patients were there with complications of septic abortion. The ward had about 40 beds, in addition to extra beds which lined the halls. Each day we admitted between 10-30 septic abortion patients. We had about one death a month, usually from septic shock associated with hemorrhage.

I will never forget the 17-year-old girl lying on a stretcher with 6 feet of small bowel protruding from her vagina. She survived.

I will never forget the jaundiced woman in liver and kidney failure, in septic shock, with very severe anemia, whose life we were unable to save.

Today, in Canada and the U.S., septic shock from illegal abortion is virtually never seen. Like smallpox, it is a "disappeared disease."

I had originally been drawn to obstetrics and gynecology because I loved delivering babies. Abortion was illegal when I trained, so I did not learn how to do abortions in my residency, although I had more than my share of experience looking after illegal abortion complications.

In 1972, a couple of years after the law on abortion was liberalized, I began the practise of obstetrics and gynecology, and joined a three-man group in Vancouver. My practice partners and I believed strongly that a woman should be able to decide for herself if and when to have a baby. We were frequently asked to look after women who needed termination of pregnancy. Although I had done virtually no terminations in my training, I soon learned how. I also learned just how much demand there was for abortion services.

Providing abortion services can be quite stressful. Usually, an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy is the worst trouble the patient has ever been in in her entire life.

I remember one 18-year-old patient who desperately wanted an abortion, but felt she could not confide in her mother, who was a nurse in another Vancouver area hospital. She impressed on me how important it was that her termination remain a secret from her family. In those years, parental consent was required if the patient was less than 19 years old. I obtained the required second opinion from a colleague, and performed an abortion on her.

About two weeks, later I received a phone call from her mother. She asked me directly "Did you do an abortion on my daughter?" Visions of legal suit passed through my mind as I tried to think of how to answer her question. I decided to answer directly and truthfully. I answered with trepidation, "Yes, I did" and started to make mental preparations to call my lawyer. The mother replied: "Thank you, Doctor. Thank God there are people like you around."

Like many of my colleagues, I had been the subject of antiabortion picketing, particularly in the 1980s. I did not like having my office and home picketed, or nails thrown into my driveway, but viewed these picketers as a nuisance, exercising their right of free speech. Being in Canada, I felt I did not have to worry about my physical security.

I had been a medical doctor for 32 years when I was shot at 7:10 a.m., Nov. 8, 1994. For over half my life, I had been providing obstetrical and gynecological care, including abortions. It is still hard for me to understand how someone could think I should be killed for helping women get safe abortions.

I had a very severe gun shot wound to my left thigh. My thigh bone was fractured, large blood vessels severed, and a large amount of my thigh muscles destroyed. I almost died several times from blood loss and multiple other complications. After about two years of physical and emotional rehabilitation, with a great deal of support from my family and the medical community, I was able to resume work on a part-time basis. I was no longer able to deliver babies or perform major gynecological surgery. I had to take security measures, but I continued to work as a gynecologist, including providing abortion services. My life had changed, but my views on choice remained unchanged, and I was continuing to enjoy practicing medicine. I told people that I was shot in the thigh, not in my sense of humour.

Six years after the shooting, on July 11, 2000, shortly after entering the clinic where I had my private office, a young man approached me. There was nothing unusual about his appearance until he suddenly got a vicious look on his face, stabbed me in the left flank area and then ran away.

This could have been a lethal injury, but fortunately no vital organs were seriously involved, and after six days of hospital observation I was able to return home. The physical implications were minor, but the security implications were major. After two murder attempts, all my security advisors concurred that I was at increased risk for another attack.

My family and I had to have some serious discussions about my future. The National Abortion Federation provided me with a very experienced personal security consultant. He moved into our home and lived with us for three days, talked with us, assessed my personality, visited the places that I worked in and gave me security advice. In those three days, he got to know me well. After he finished his evaluation, when I was dropping him off at the airport, his departing words to me were "Gary, you have to go back to work."

About two months after the stabbing, I returned to the practise of medicine, but with added security measures. Since the year 2000, I have restricted my practise exclusively to abortion provision.

These acts of terrorist violence have affected virtually every aspect of my and my family's life. Our lives have changed forever. I must live with security measures that I never dreamed about when I was learning how to deliver babies.

Let me tell you about an abortion patient I looked after recently. She was 18 years old, and 18-19 weeks pregnant. She came from a very strict, religious family. She was an only daughter, and had several brothers. She was East Indian Hindu and her boyfriend was East Indian Muslim, which did not please her parents. She told me if her parents found out she was pregnant she would be disowned and kicked out of the family home. She also told me that her brothers would murder her boyfriend, and I believed her. About an hour after her operation I and my nurse saw her and her boyfriend walking out of the clinic hand in hand, and I said to my nurse, "Look at that. We saved two lives today."

I love my work. I get enormous personal and professional satisfaction out of helping people, and that includes providing safe, comfortable, abortions. The people that I work with are extraordinary, and we all feel that we are doing important work, making a real difference in peoples' lives.

I can take an anxious woman, who is in the biggest trouble she has ever experiences in her life, and by performing a five-minute operation, in comfort and dignity, I can give her back her life.

After an abortion operation, patients frequently say "Thank You Doctor." But abortion is the only operation I know of where they also sometimes say "Thank you for what you do."

I want to tell you one last story that I think epitomizes the satisfaction I get from my privileged work. Some years ago I spoke to a class of University of British Columbia medical students. As I left the classroom, a student followed me out. She said: "Dr. Romalis, you won't remember me, but you did an abortion on me in 1992. I am a second year medical student now, and if it weren't for you I wouldn't be here now."

Saturday, May 30, 2009

IT'S OFFICIAL. HE WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Which is just CRAZY cause he is in 3rd grade and was running against 5th graders.... crazy... I'm swelling up in tears and pride. *HE* won't know until Monday when they announce it to the school...but Jen (Joel's girlfriend) is one of the ones in charge of student council...she opted OUT of the vote due to closeness with Dane...but

...I got an email from Jen...

"it's official...sucks that we can't tell him until they announce it monday but he won...

I think a soon to be 4th grader in office is one for the history books. His posters were awesome, and I about lost it during his speech. I bet you were a mess"

I don't know if I love her or hate her at this point in time..but my baby won.....YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*tears*

Friday, May 29, 2009

Dane running for school treasurer 2009/2010.



I'm SO proud of him...

"Let go and Let God"

...that is what I got out of my counseling session yesterday. It's pretty powerful, if you think about it...and I wish, more than anything, that I could do just that!

Money seems to be the root of all evil in this household. We are completely broke....broke, like we have no idea how we are going to make rent this month, broke. Broke like (thank God counseling is free -- THANK YOU ARMY) but we worried about how we were going to spend money on gas. Broke. It's depressing and sad...but some of it -- well, it's just going to happen. I have to stop being such a crazed woman about it -- and let life happen. I'm broke because of the place I got myself into. It's not Justin's fault and it's not Joel's fault. It's mine.

Let go and Let God....

Dane has his speech for Student Council Treasurer this morning -- I called out of work -- there are some things that money can't buy -- and it's most CERTAINLY my son's first courageous move at Student Council. Afterall, when he is President, it will make a cool story to say, we were broke as all get out but I just couldn't force myself to work that day. I want Dane to look out into the crowd and see his proud mom...and I want to be there for him if he screws up too (my worry, my worry -- Let go and Let God...) Then he rushes off to a waterpark fieldtrip -- which will easily take his mind off of the election...

The boys goto their dad's today -- I hate my weekends without them. I'm feeling especially sorry for myself today because I have been pretty hard on them the last two nights. They have been pushing every button that Justin and I have. I suppose it could be the end of the year spaz attacks but never the less, it doesn't fly in this household.

...and I woke up this morning...weighed myself and I'm officially fat. Disgustingly fat...and I ponder...HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!? I've gained 30+ pounds since November. Justin and I got back together in November -- could the happiness be at fault. I've also been on 3 new medications, birth control, an anti depressant and an anti anxiety...If it is medications -- i'm screwed...but would I rather cry once in awhile and have panic attacks as a fat person...or skinnier....

LET GO AND LET GOD.

Anyway, other than that...things are okay. Enjoying my summer as much as a broke girl can. I need to get going and scoot the boys along...we've got a big day ahead. I need to make a conscious decision to relax a little and let life happen...to simply,

LET GO AND LET GOD.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

My song of the week: HAPPY by Natasha Bedingfield

Ooh…. Oooooohhh.
landlords Knocking at my door cussing me out
got laid off my job the night before
can’t figure how
I’m gonna fix tomorrow away
If today’s still a mess
Can u tell me what’s the point man,
It all seems meaningless
I wish that I could step away and breathe
This world’s trying to swallow me
Clear away the clouds inside my head

Chorus:
Someone just tell me
That it’s ok now
What are you worried about

Got my dreams, got my life, got my love
Got my friends got the sunshine above
Why am I making this hard on myself
When there’s so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy

People lie, people hide, people cry, people fight

And they don’t know why
If fear is all that we should fear
Then what are we so afraid of
Cause fear is only in our heads

Someone please say…
(chorus)

any day ill go bad thinking bad
everyone is against me and the world wants to fight me
preparing to battle an enemy unseen
during my stressing I’m blinded to the lesson
that could be a blessing if Id be confessing that the enemy
I’m trying to beat is hiding inside of me

But it’s ok now…what are you worrying about……(chorus)

Repeat 2x : Keep your grind on girl…it’s your love, it’s your world…

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

"If there's no fun in it, somethin's wrong with all you're doing."

(Positive Thinking Every Day-- Norman Vincent Peale)

I've got nuttin'

Goodnight.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I am feeling increasingly anxiety filled -- which is NOT how I am suppose to feel on summer break

ultimately, I'm thinking, that it all comes down to money. I mean my life feels like a choose your own adventure book that repeatedly ends with an main order of bankruptcy and bitchiness with a side of single parenting and loneliness and an extra dose of disappointment...

...or at least that is how it feels to me tonight.

Today was a long day at work -- I was a sitter for a suicidal alcoholic that mirrored a family member virtually to a tee, however he wasn't nearly as concerned with hygiene and had a knack for vomit. In the midst of his ativan, percocet slumber, I had time to surf the Internet (that wasn't firewalled by Banner Hospitals) and realized that I'm hundreds of dollars in the red. ASS HOLE EX HUSBAND is so late in payments that even *I* (who gives him/them every benefit of the doubt) should stop believing in what he says when he says what he'll do...errr... text messages what he'll do, anyway.

So, I'm home...to a boyfriend so enthralled in his friend that's over, his military pictures and Coors Light, that he can't come in to try and make my day better -- make me feel at home...relax. So after a phone call to my sister, I decide to turn to writing and my tried and true friend, xanax.

And try to think differently of my future...and listen to the song on my napster playlist right now "And so it goes, and so it goes, and your the only one that knows" I love you Billy...(I'll omit the "Joel" part out on purpose.)

And enhale...................and exhale.

Becky -- my beautiful friend - was in town this past weekend...and such a good weekend it was...and left me a new break, A New Earth - Awakening to Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle. She swears I will love it -- and by flipping thru her highlighted thumbed thru pages, I am sure that woman knows me well...

Off to face the boys in the backyard...if I hear ONE "cheer up" or anything that resembles "you are in a bad mood" I'm hunkering down with a glass of wine, my new book and my unmade bed.

...with a new outlook that focuses on the ^UPSIDE^ and *SUNSHINE* about the "loneliness" I spoke of earlier.

Perception....it's all about perception.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Headed up to the cabin today - Please remember this is not just a 3 day weekend




We must remember those who paid the ultimate price for our freedom...."Freedom" is not free....

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Dane's posters for Treasurer are finally complete....








....and for pure cuteness factor...how I woke up to the boys (and Piper) this morning...quiet, eating, watching cartoons and letting mom sleep in. LOVE THEM!

Thursday, May 21, 2009


The World represents the completion of a cycle and the attainment of inner peace and contentment. It is time to celebrate all that you have accomplished and bask in your successes. You have achieved a heightened sense of self awareness and a new appreciation for your surroundings. While this card does not rule out discomfort in your life, it does indicate that many of your trials and tribulations will soon be overcome. Everything is finally starting to come together!


Interesting, as always. Yesterday, I crunched our finances. It's becoming apparent that we are not going to be able to stay afloat -- at least this way. My job, while exceptionally emotionally fulfilling for me doesn't pay squat. Justin works so hard, but so far away -- what we pay in gas is ridiculous and his VA money is spent before we get it....I have to figure something out. I worked a night shift HUS position last night -- didn't get home until 1:45am...I'm exhausted. the money I suppose is what is worth it...but I hate leaving the boys, not being able to have dinner with them or read with them or put them to bed. But you know, yesterday, or correction, this morning....walking down the back hall to leave the building I felt really zen like....I belong in a hospital...at least for now...it feels right...and then I got home, kissed the munchkins who didn't even stop snoring and snuggled into be with Justin -- which kinda ticked off a very comfortable Scout and a very nestled in Piper...

Another day...another day....

I'm meeting Amy for lunch today -- and then have a very fun weekend planned which involves BECKY and her family (so stoked). She is definitely one of my best friends and definitely my least judging friend. Ya, ya, ya, she's Joel's cousin -- but really she is an amazing blessing in my life and I cannot WAIT to see her. Rentch and her kiddos, Angela and her kiddos and Julie and her kiddos are coming over as well...then on Sunday, we are headed to the cabin to meet up with the rest of the family (Mom, Kerry and family, Rick, and Johnny). Good times...

And then there's the fact that Dane is running for Treasurer -- that has me in a tizzy. *I* never ran cause I don't like all the hoopla of sign making and speech writing -- but he's very excited to do it. He and Owen (JHo's oldest son) worked on a rough draft - after a little tweaking and if he can pull it off it will be awesome...but I work that morning. I MAY have to be sick that day -- or else JHo offered to video it for me (what a good friend *puke* but nevertheless, a nice gesture.)

Just heard the firetrucks blare by: "May God bless wherever those sirens are headed and whomever lives they touch" amen.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Justin and I are working...working on everything

working on each one of us individually -- working on us as a couple -- and working overtime at work. We struggle with everything. He has pretty severe nightmares, depression and PTSD from being in Iraq (seeing a counselor)-- not to mention a bad back now and something funky is going on with his hands -- they always are numb. (He is going in for an MRI next week). Me, well, I've come a long way. I only see my counselor on a "as need" basis. I probably should see her more, but quite frankly I haven't had much time and felt the need to prioritize. Justin and I are going to couple's counseling...it was eye opening at this last session. We were talking about the future...and Justin admitted he doesn't see the future. This conversation took a life of it's own. (When Justin has his PTSD moments, he glazes over -- like he's not even here). It was one of those moments. He said that he sees himself dying everyday. He clarified it's not that he WANTS to die but, for instance, he'll be driving under an overpass and will literally see his body jump off and his truck hit his body. Disturbing stuff. He says it's constant. I can't quite imagine how you live like that. Our Dr. suggested he tell his MD that and perhaps up his medications -- I don't know if it's that or not. He says he wants a future with me. But, when he really thinks about it -- like us growing old together -- he can't SEE it because he doesn't think he'll be alive to grow old. It created some really interesting conversations -- at the session and after. It's not an excuse but it certainly plays into some of his actions, I really do believe. I have to be there for him to work thru this issue...and show him that "forever" is possible. Life, love...it's all possible.

Anyway -- to lighten up the conversation...I've always told Justin that when school was done I would be open to a 6 month window of trying to get pregnant. Not any of the crazy stuff I did before -- no meds and no temps! -- but I'd go off the pill and be open to the idea of another baby in my life. The "Kealy" name ends with my brothers, Rick and John, and my cousin, Ryan. Well, Rick is gay -- and, in my opinion, is in a destructive relationship -- can't rule out that he may adopt, but he is 41....and Johnny, also 41, got a divorce in 2006...not to rule out the possiblity that he may meet and marry a 23 year old and produce 9 children, but right now it's looking grim. And, Ryan, well...he has a beautiful daughter -- and likely will try for a boy until a boy is what he gets.... BUT all that aside, my birth name is very important to me. Justin agreed that if we were to have a boy, the child would hold the surname "Kealy." (likely a hyphenate legally) and if we have a girl, the child would hold the surname "Essary" (again, legally hyphenated Essary-Kealy).... So we were talking about names. I like simple names. "ONE SYLLABLE boy names" I said, "to stick with the other two." (Dane and Cole.) He said, "What do you think of Brock?" I said, "I like it." So conversation went on....when we came back to the name thing...I said, "but is it the k, ck, k sound of Brock Kealy too much?" So he began to say it over and over again seeing if it was some sort of tongue twister when all the sudden I started absolutely laughing hysterically.....like pee my pants, can't breathe, tears running down the cheecks, stomach ache belly laugh.



I THINK NOT!!

Monday, May 18, 2009

Ten years ago, yesterday, I had my first miscarriage...

TEN YEARS...and I'm sad. I'm sad that I can't "be sad" with Joel. I'm sad that I doubt he remembers. I'm sad that he probably doesn't care, even if he did know. Yesterday, I allowed myself to be sad and alone with my thoughts. Today, I'm going to try and concentrate on the boys I have...even if sadness still envelopes me. Ten years. Wow.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles."
— Audrey Hepburn

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Mother's Day was fantastic -- I'm so truly blessed to have the children I do --

and the mother I do -- and all of those around me. We had a really wonderful mother's day. I hope all you mother's out there did as well.

And for today -- I'm set to ponder. My life isn't easy. It's not easy at all right now. But, the truth be told, it's not HARD either. I have to take ownership for the stuff I can control. My money situation didn't create itself. I need to be more vigilant on my spending habits (which means that my favorite bar hang out -- Blue 32 -- is no longer in the picture.) Justin and I need to stay home more. It's better for us as a couple and for our pocketbooks. Our relationship is so far from perfect but it's so so good right now. We started counseling (go VA free counseling -- GO ARMY!) and we have given up all the crazy stuff we use to do. I'm proud of us for working at our relationship. It's not working at "love" -- that is the easy part -- the "relationship" is work. Real work is work. I don't know if the new position is going to work out for sure. I need to weigh the pros and cons. I would MUCH RATHER be solelyt a unit secretary vs a mix match of CNA and HUS -- and the money is much better but the night hours MAY be too difficult (they also may be much better). They just told me they aren't sure that they can guarantee me 37 hours...but do I need 37 hours. They are saying 32 -- but that they will keep me full time - -heck I don't know...

Also, I didn't study enough for block 3. Period. I just couldn't figure out WHEN to study. I'm about to head into Phoenix to meet with my instructor for my "exit interview" which just makes me want to vomit. But, I know what she's going to ask -- and I know what I'm going to say. I'm going to say that I didn't study hard enough. I won't make excuses -- but I will tell her I work full time and have children that need their mother's time. I am not the only one in the class in this predicament -- but it is true. I will also tell her that I was extremely disappointed by the lack of connection with the instructors. I attribute this to many things, and I will have her know that it isn't any one of the personally, however, the styles of teaching -- and all the changes they continued to make -- were very difficult for all of us. And then I will beg, grovel and plea to get right back into block 3... whenever I get in, I will implement changes in my life that will assure me success...not sure what those are yet, but I"ll be thinking about them. And I hope, with so much of my hopefullness that remains that my friends, Gena, Katreen, and Cambria are in my class again...

...to be continued.....

Friday, May 08, 2009

I have to redo Block 3 -- then I get this tarot card...Freaky stuff....



The Tower represents sudden and unexpected change. It signifies the destruction of something that was not built on a solid foundation. With this change comes a time of disorder and chaos, but from this comes great improvement and newfound strength. This is an opportunity for you to start over and right your wrongs.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Couldn't have said it better myself........LOVE THIS....

"I can believe things that are true and things that aren't true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they're true or not.

I can believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and the Beatles and Marilyn Monroe and Elvis and Mister Ed. Listen - I believe that people are perfectable, that knowledge is infinite, that the world is run by secret banking cartels and is visited by aliens on a regular basis, nice ones that look like wrinkled lemurs and bad ones who mutilate cattle and want our water and our women.

I believe that the future sucks and I believe that the future rocks and I believe that one day White Buffalo Woman is going to come back and kick everyone's ass. I believe that all men are just overgrown boys with deep problems communicating and that the decline in good sex in America is coincident with the decline in drive-in movie theaters from state to state.

I believe that all politicians are unprincipled crooks and I still believe that they are better than the alternative. I believe that California is going to sink into the sea when the big one comes, while Florida is going to dissolve into madness and alligators and toxic waste.

I believe that antibacterial soap is destroying our resistance to dirt and disease so that one day we'll all be wiped out by the common cold like martians in War of the Worlds.

I believe that the greatest poets of the last century were Edith Sitwell and Don Marquis, that jade is dried dragon sperm, and that thousands of years ago in a former life I was a one-armed Siberian shaman.

I believe that mankind's destiny lies in the stars. I believe that candy really did taste better when I was a kid, that it's aerodynamically impossible for a bumble bee to fly, that light is a wave and a particle, that there's a cat in a box somewhere who's alive and dead at the same time (although if they don't ever open the box to feed it it'll eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there are stars in the universe billions of years older than the universe itself.

I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries and oversees everything I do. I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn't even know that I'm alive. I believe in an empty and godless universe of causal chaos, background noise, and sheer blind luck.

I believe that anyone who says sex is overrated just hasn't done it properly. I believe that anyone who claims to know what's going on will lie about the little things too.

I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies. I believe in a woman's right to choose, a baby's right to live, that while all human life is sacred there's nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would ever trust the legal system.

I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it."
Neil Gaiman (American Gods)