Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Friday, October 26, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
According to Webster...
slan·der
[slan-der]
–noun 1. defamation; calumny: rumors full of slander.
2. a malicious, false, and defamatory statement or report: a slander against his good name.
3. Law. defamation by oral utterance rather than by writing, pictures, etc.
–verb (used with object) 4. to utter slander against; defame.
–verb (used without object) 5. to utter or circulate slander.
li·bel
[lahy-buhl]
Pronunciation noun, verb, -beled, -bel·ing or (especially British) -belled, -bel·ling.
–noun 1. Law. a. defamation by written or printed words, pictures, or in any form other than by spoken words or gestures.
b. the act or crime of publishing it.
c. a formal written declaration or statement, as one containing the allegations of a plaintiff or the grounds of a charge.
2. anything that is defamatory or that maliciously or damagingly misrepresents.
–verb (used with object) 3. to publish a libel against.
4. to misrepresent damagingly.
5. to institute suit against by a libel, as in an admiralty court.
and just for fun -- in case there is anyone who is obtaining my email address and password without permission -- more definitions:
truth
[trooth]
1. the true or actual state of a matter
2. conformity with fact or reality; verity: the truth of a statement.
3. a verified or indisputable fact, proposition, principle, or the like: mathematical truths.
4. the state or character of being true.
5. actuality or actual existence.
6. an obvious or accepted fact; truism; platitude.
7. honesty; integrity; truthfulness.
8. (often initial capital letter) ideal or fundamental reality apart from and transcending perceived experience: the basic truths of life.
9. agreement with a standard or original.
10. accuracy, as of position or adjustment.
threat
[thret]
–noun 1. a declaration of an intention or determination to inflict punishment, injury, etc., in retaliation for, or conditionally upon, some action or course; menace
2. an indication or warning of probable trouble
3. a person or thing that threatens.
heal·ing
[hee-ling]
–adjective 1. curing or curative; prescribed or helping to heal.
2. growing sound; getting well; mending.
–noun 3. the act or process of regaining health
...and just for more fun -- in my private blog -- without referring to names of anyone's ex-husband who has said and done things that are proving his own character...be on the lookout for me to get really tired of the destructive words, empty threats and painful allegations -- I just MIGHT start posting sound blogs of some very colorful messages...many saved throughout the months....some threatening, some degrading...some harmful...some immature....some pathetic...and some down right disgusting.... Can't imagine my therapist would call it healing....but it just might show that a spade is only a spade.... Beware! Caution!! Never wake a sleeping lion. Flee her fury!
[slan-der]
–noun 1. defamation; calumny: rumors full of slander.
2. a malicious, false, and defamatory statement or report: a slander against his good name.
3. Law. defamation by oral utterance rather than by writing, pictures, etc.
–verb (used with object) 4. to utter slander against; defame.
–verb (used without object) 5. to utter or circulate slander.
li·bel
[lahy-buhl]
Pronunciation noun, verb, -beled, -bel·ing or (especially British) -belled, -bel·ling.
–noun 1. Law. a. defamation by written or printed words, pictures, or in any form other than by spoken words or gestures.
b. the act or crime of publishing it.
c. a formal written declaration or statement, as one containing the allegations of a plaintiff or the grounds of a charge.
2. anything that is defamatory or that maliciously or damagingly misrepresents.
–verb (used with object) 3. to publish a libel against.
4. to misrepresent damagingly.
5. to institute suit against by a libel, as in an admiralty court.
and just for fun -- in case there is anyone who is obtaining my email address and password without permission -- more definitions:
truth
[trooth]
1. the true or actual state of a matter
2. conformity with fact or reality; verity: the truth of a statement.
3. a verified or indisputable fact, proposition, principle, or the like: mathematical truths.
4. the state or character of being true.
5. actuality or actual existence.
6. an obvious or accepted fact; truism; platitude.
7. honesty; integrity; truthfulness.
8. (often initial capital letter) ideal or fundamental reality apart from and transcending perceived experience: the basic truths of life.
9. agreement with a standard or original.
10. accuracy, as of position or adjustment.
threat
[thret]
–noun 1. a declaration of an intention or determination to inflict punishment, injury, etc., in retaliation for, or conditionally upon, some action or course; menace
2. an indication or warning of probable trouble
3. a person or thing that threatens.
heal·ing
[hee-ling]
–adjective 1. curing or curative; prescribed or helping to heal.
2. growing sound; getting well; mending.
–noun 3. the act or process of regaining health
...and just for more fun -- in my private blog -- without referring to names of anyone's ex-husband who has said and done things that are proving his own character...be on the lookout for me to get really tired of the destructive words, empty threats and painful allegations -- I just MIGHT start posting sound blogs of some very colorful messages...many saved throughout the months....some threatening, some degrading...some harmful...some immature....some pathetic...and some down right disgusting.... Can't imagine my therapist would call it healing....but it just might show that a spade is only a spade.... Beware! Caution!! Never wake a sleeping lion. Flee her fury!
Monday, October 22, 2007
Part 3: Costa Rica.....what an experience....
I could go on and on about our trip to Costa Rica....looking back at it now...I feel less extreme about it, so I hope you can read that in my tone of voice (isn't that just an odd little sentence?) I guess I don't know what I wanted in Costa Rica in regard to the relationship Joel and I held. There have been 6 months that have now passed and that hasn't eased that confusion at all.
1. It was one of my very best girlfriends weddings. I have known Rentch for the better part of my life, literally, and was honored and blessed to watch her make this vow. I had some previous issues with her fiance, however, we had bridged the gap within the past 2 or so years. Most of that came to be because of Joel. Joel became bosom buddies with Jason. At first, like I said before, I loved it. Our families hung out all the time and it was like all was right in the world. In that light....I was so excited to be going to Costa Rica......Gosh, COSTA RICA to see my best friend get married to a man who really was trying to become something of himself. Joel and I had discussed how we were going to handle it --neither of us were willing to miss it -- and so we agreed to go, celebrate with our best friends and let whatever happened happen.
2. I had very strange feelings about what this trip was going to do to Joel and I. I missed him incredibly in the weeks that were leading up to the trip. Even though we weren't really getting along, I think, truth be told, that I was hoping that we would somehow find one another again. You know, when we got away from the work bullshit, the house bullshit, the family bullshit and just had fun together. I was hopeful, but also extremely guarded ... and realistic.
3. Justin. Justin obviously was extremely worried about me going to Costa Rica. We had never really been apart and he obviously knew how turmoil my relationship was with Joel. The days leading up to Costa Rica had Justin being extremely needy and me thinking more and more that he was NOT the person that I should be with. I left him with a bit of sadness, but more hopeful that, upon my return, the stars would have aligned and I'd be with the person whom I was meant to be with.
Ugh.
It was really tough. We were there 8 days -- the first couple were nice. Joel and I kind of played pseudo-couple....hung out a bit -- smiled for the camera together...
There was one encounter -- we both talked and agreed how lonely we were and how much we missed the other's touch -- and things occurred that shouldn't have. I regret it now. It wasn't pleasant...I was drunk and he was drunk and on coke (I've since found out that was a past time of his). It also was the catalyst to making the rest of the trip HELL for us. We got into a huge fight the next night (he doesn't remember) and I almost went home. I read all these text messages on his phone from all sorts of women. I was very hurt. Things were said like "how long after your divorce....blah blah blah"...we hadn't even officially discussed divorce. I was disgusted. I let him know it. I think we may have let most of Costa Rica (at least the greater Tamarindo area) know that we hated each other.
Fast forward a bit....With the grace of God and kindness of our friends (especially Angela...I love love triple love you) we made it thru a gorgeous wedding though and ended up having a fun time all the while fully ignoring each other.
I had been emailing Justin from Costa Rica -- short updates about what we were doing (it really is an amazing country and we did so much) and little updates on Joel and I. Justin always said the sweetest things and I did...I really DID...miss him.
We made it back home to Arizona on April 24th. I let Joel know that I was going to be filing for divorce. He was seemingly emotionless about it.
Two days later....Justin was over and we were sitting at the computer looking at pictures of Costa Rica. Justin had gotten off work around 11pm -- the boys were with me at home and had been sleeping for hours.... we were being quiet because we didn't want the boys to know Justin was over....I was showing him all the "sites" from our trip. I was enjoying the quietness and cleanliness of my house, being next to Justin, and the first 2 sips of Coors light....when
!!!!!!!!!!!!!SLAM!!!!!!!!!!
Joel came tearing down the hallway in a complete psychotic rage.....eyes blazing red, spit flying from his mouth and an overwhelming powerful anger that made me feel that some mass mental murderer just entered my sanctuary and was about to wreak hell on anyone that got in his way....
I
was
absolutely
100%
terrified..........
(to be continued)
1. It was one of my very best girlfriends weddings. I have known Rentch for the better part of my life, literally, and was honored and blessed to watch her make this vow. I had some previous issues with her fiance, however, we had bridged the gap within the past 2 or so years. Most of that came to be because of Joel. Joel became bosom buddies with Jason. At first, like I said before, I loved it. Our families hung out all the time and it was like all was right in the world. In that light....I was so excited to be going to Costa Rica......Gosh, COSTA RICA to see my best friend get married to a man who really was trying to become something of himself. Joel and I had discussed how we were going to handle it --neither of us were willing to miss it -- and so we agreed to go, celebrate with our best friends and let whatever happened happen.
2. I had very strange feelings about what this trip was going to do to Joel and I. I missed him incredibly in the weeks that were leading up to the trip. Even though we weren't really getting along, I think, truth be told, that I was hoping that we would somehow find one another again. You know, when we got away from the work bullshit, the house bullshit, the family bullshit and just had fun together. I was hopeful, but also extremely guarded ... and realistic.
3. Justin. Justin obviously was extremely worried about me going to Costa Rica. We had never really been apart and he obviously knew how turmoil my relationship was with Joel. The days leading up to Costa Rica had Justin being extremely needy and me thinking more and more that he was NOT the person that I should be with. I left him with a bit of sadness, but more hopeful that, upon my return, the stars would have aligned and I'd be with the person whom I was meant to be with.
Ugh.
It was really tough. We were there 8 days -- the first couple were nice. Joel and I kind of played pseudo-couple....hung out a bit -- smiled for the camera together...
There was one encounter -- we both talked and agreed how lonely we were and how much we missed the other's touch -- and things occurred that shouldn't have. I regret it now. It wasn't pleasant...I was drunk and he was drunk and on coke (I've since found out that was a past time of his). It also was the catalyst to making the rest of the trip HELL for us. We got into a huge fight the next night (he doesn't remember) and I almost went home. I read all these text messages on his phone from all sorts of women. I was very hurt. Things were said like "how long after your divorce....blah blah blah"...we hadn't even officially discussed divorce. I was disgusted. I let him know it. I think we may have let most of Costa Rica (at least the greater Tamarindo area) know that we hated each other.
Fast forward a bit....With the grace of God and kindness of our friends (especially Angela...I love love triple love you) we made it thru a gorgeous wedding though and ended up having a fun time all the while fully ignoring each other.
I had been emailing Justin from Costa Rica -- short updates about what we were doing (it really is an amazing country and we did so much) and little updates on Joel and I. Justin always said the sweetest things and I did...I really DID...miss him.
We made it back home to Arizona on April 24th. I let Joel know that I was going to be filing for divorce. He was seemingly emotionless about it.
Two days later....Justin was over and we were sitting at the computer looking at pictures of Costa Rica. Justin had gotten off work around 11pm -- the boys were with me at home and had been sleeping for hours.... we were being quiet because we didn't want the boys to know Justin was over....I was showing him all the "sites" from our trip. I was enjoying the quietness and cleanliness of my house, being next to Justin, and the first 2 sips of Coors light....when
!!!!!!!!!!!!!SLAM!!!!!!!!!!
Joel came tearing down the hallway in a complete psychotic rage.....eyes blazing red, spit flying from his mouth and an overwhelming powerful anger that made me feel that some mass mental murderer just entered my sanctuary and was about to wreak hell on anyone that got in his way....
I
was
absolutely
100%
terrified..........
(to be continued)
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Part 2
....I was sitting at the bar when he walked in. I was gross, hadn't showered, hat on, hair in braids...feeling really uneasy. Luckily, the Coors Light tasted good because if it hadn't, I would have bolted. I didn't even remember what he looked like for sure. Very strange. Then in he walked. And we just clicked. The first words he said referred to how BEAUTIFUL I was....wow...I hadn't heard my own husband use those words for months. It was a nice night -- hours of conversation. And I headed home with butterflies in my stomach.
....Which quickly turned into dread. Pulling into the driveway, and back into reality, I snuggled up on my couch and had dreams of a happier time. Joel got up in the middle of the night and went thru my phone....I can't say I blame him for being upset. I did meet up with another guy, afterall, but I was actually surprised at how angry he was. In one way it almost made me feel good -- like "wow, deep down in there, he does care" but I know Joel and I know that it's merely his competitive streak that got him to the place he was in. And that just made me cry.
Joel moved out the next day. He moved in with my brother for a few days (more about family and friends betrayal later) -- and then to an extended stay hotel. I had no doubt that he would not be coming back. Months of fighting went by -- he was getting uglier and uglier. Justin and I were growing closer and closer. He was filling a void in my life. For every bad thing that Joel did or say -- that anyone did or say -- Justin would say or do something 10 fold to get me thru it.
At the beginning, Justin and I made a pact that we were NO RELATIONSHIP people. We just wanted to be close. He and I both needed someone positive to talk to -- someone to help build us up and not tear us down. THAT is what he fulfilled for me....and I thank God for him.
Costa Rica loomed....Our best friends were getting married and Joel and I had made our reservations a year prior....we decided we could both go.... It was simply not an option for either one of us to miss one of the happiest days in our best friends' lives. Justin was worried about me going -- we'd had a few exchanges with Joel that were extremely ugly -- one in which the police were called out to my house because Joel locked me out. He was constantly calling me names -- putting me down. No one understood why Justin was in my life...why I needed him there. My friends and family were very hopeful that the shores of Costa Rica would bring Joel and I to a place of love again...Pura Vida, right? Well.....maybe not.....
(to be continued)
....Which quickly turned into dread. Pulling into the driveway, and back into reality, I snuggled up on my couch and had dreams of a happier time. Joel got up in the middle of the night and went thru my phone....I can't say I blame him for being upset. I did meet up with another guy, afterall, but I was actually surprised at how angry he was. In one way it almost made me feel good -- like "wow, deep down in there, he does care" but I know Joel and I know that it's merely his competitive streak that got him to the place he was in. And that just made me cry.
Joel moved out the next day. He moved in with my brother for a few days (more about family and friends betrayal later) -- and then to an extended stay hotel. I had no doubt that he would not be coming back. Months of fighting went by -- he was getting uglier and uglier. Justin and I were growing closer and closer. He was filling a void in my life. For every bad thing that Joel did or say -- that anyone did or say -- Justin would say or do something 10 fold to get me thru it.
At the beginning, Justin and I made a pact that we were NO RELATIONSHIP people. We just wanted to be close. He and I both needed someone positive to talk to -- someone to help build us up and not tear us down. THAT is what he fulfilled for me....and I thank God for him.
Costa Rica loomed....Our best friends were getting married and Joel and I had made our reservations a year prior....we decided we could both go.... It was simply not an option for either one of us to miss one of the happiest days in our best friends' lives. Justin was worried about me going -- we'd had a few exchanges with Joel that were extremely ugly -- one in which the police were called out to my house because Joel locked me out. He was constantly calling me names -- putting me down. No one understood why Justin was in my life...why I needed him there. My friends and family were very hopeful that the shores of Costa Rica would bring Joel and I to a place of love again...Pura Vida, right? Well.....maybe not.....
(to be continued)
Monday, October 15, 2007
Part 1 leading up to the fall....
The past year has been incredibly difficult for me. I suppose the difficulties started before that. I began to realize that my marriage simply was not what a marriage should be. I loved Joel, sure, but the fire that we once had -- and man, we owned it -- had faded. Many people can live with mediocre....they live for years, perhaps forever like that, I can't. Joel can't. I've come to realize that is the problem with greatness. Once you have a taste of it, you just can't go back. I suppose it's like a shark that smells blood.
There were a lot of changes that happened. Joel had started a company with my brothers.... and the stress level was extremely high. (Side note: I am going to own a lot of my faults within this blog and those to follow, but I also will place blame where I feel it needs to be placed. This is not to hurt anyone, only to get all the thoughts out, so I can heal.) I believe that our drinking was taken to another level, especially Joel's and he was very frustrated with his home life. Being a stay at home mom, I found myself being extra sure that the house was extra clean, dinner was started, and I had a happy face on when he came blazing thru the door at whatever time he decided to call it quits. (I don't mean that negative necessarily, but Joel really wasn't working much, playing and spending much more -- I was benefiting from some of that, so I never said much). But when daddy would come home, I found myself shuffling the kids back into the kids room and begging them to stay quiet while Joel made his vodka on the rocks and tried to relax. He stopped beind "fun daddy" to them. The wrestling and uncontrollable fits of laughter stopped. One thing after the next, dinner would be on the table. Me with my Jack and Coke, Daddy with his cocktail....and we prayed for how grateful we were for our food. (Weird...I remember that... feeling very deceitful.... Simply Praying.)
Joel had burned some bridges in my family as well. My sister and her family who were really close with us as our kids are the same age told me that they just weren't coming around anymore because of Joel's negativity. He wasn't doing it just to me and my nuclear family anymore -- but she didn't like Joel. He was angry around their children and they were growing fearful of thim. It broke my heart. Joel then connected with a group of guys and was spending a lot of time with them...darts, going out -- always drinking -- and now smoking pot. At first I loved that he finally had friends outside my family circle....but looking back now...I think his ability to go out with them -- and then I'd go out with my friends (we were very tit for tat) -- simply took away from the family values we both really did (and still do) cherish. I mentioned splitting with Joel often -- wishing he would hear me and things would change... I begged him to get counseling -- which he did briefly. They put him on antidepressants that made him yawn...so he stopped them and going all together. We had deep rooted issues. Drinking. Anger. Sadness. And the lack of love and support from his family. His dad repeatedly told Joel he was a worthless man -- I don't know how anyone could overcome that. I still have a letter I read the other day that his dad wrote Joel in college. Brutal. As a parent, it's simply inexcusable to me. I was very protective of my love for Joel and his honor as a man with his parents. I let them belittle me and blame me for his lack of commitment to them. I shut my mouth when they never came to visit us or their grand kids. I sent pictures and cards religiously to everyone in the family -- and recieved nothing in return. I bit my tongue when they were rude to me and to Joel -- even to our kids. I grew to despise them.
In December, I decided to start sleeping on the couch -- and no one cared. The month of December was hard. Christmas is such a happy time and Joel and I faked it well. I knew he wasn't happy with me. I wasn't happy with him. But if there is anything in this world that we both love more than anything our the boys...so we put on a happy face and continued the charade. New years brought a whole new sadness for me. Promise for 2007 -- yet a heavy heart knowing that Joel and I would split. I had to GRAB him and kiss him for the new year...we were 20 feet apart. It was indicative of how far apart we'd grown.
I want to reiterate that I love Joel. It's now months and months later and I still love him. Up until lately, he was my safety blanket. We have been together since I was 17 years old. He was everything to me. My marriage was falling apart, but I really never thought we would ever get a divorce. January came fast and hard. Him drinking more....me crying more. We went our separate ways. I was losing him. I honestly don't know if he cheated on me -- but I felt that his time spent at the bars and titty bars were very telling of where he was in his mind. We were driving 100mph apart and there was nothing stopping us except for the belief that neither of us had the balls to do anything about it.
Jan 27, 2007 -- Bunco. The girls went out to Cook and Jacks. The Beastie Boys introduced me to Justin. We karaoked...and danced. I told him I was married straight up. He had just moved back to Arizona after getting out of the Army and just wanted a friend. I gave him my number. I suppose I don't know why. It felt good to meet someone outside of our circle. He was intriguing. I went to Angela's that night. He called to be sure we got home okay. I went home the next day, with a smile on my face.
Then he called me on Wednesday night....Jan 31st. I was awake on the couch...Joel was in bed. He wanted to meet for a drink. I did....
(To be Continued)
There were a lot of changes that happened. Joel had started a company with my brothers.... and the stress level was extremely high. (Side note: I am going to own a lot of my faults within this blog and those to follow, but I also will place blame where I feel it needs to be placed. This is not to hurt anyone, only to get all the thoughts out, so I can heal.) I believe that our drinking was taken to another level, especially Joel's and he was very frustrated with his home life. Being a stay at home mom, I found myself being extra sure that the house was extra clean, dinner was started, and I had a happy face on when he came blazing thru the door at whatever time he decided to call it quits. (I don't mean that negative necessarily, but Joel really wasn't working much, playing and spending much more -- I was benefiting from some of that, so I never said much). But when daddy would come home, I found myself shuffling the kids back into the kids room and begging them to stay quiet while Joel made his vodka on the rocks and tried to relax. He stopped beind "fun daddy" to them. The wrestling and uncontrollable fits of laughter stopped. One thing after the next, dinner would be on the table. Me with my Jack and Coke, Daddy with his cocktail....and we prayed for how grateful we were for our food. (Weird...I remember that... feeling very deceitful.... Simply Praying.)
Joel had burned some bridges in my family as well. My sister and her family who were really close with us as our kids are the same age told me that they just weren't coming around anymore because of Joel's negativity. He wasn't doing it just to me and my nuclear family anymore -- but she didn't like Joel. He was angry around their children and they were growing fearful of thim. It broke my heart. Joel then connected with a group of guys and was spending a lot of time with them...darts, going out -- always drinking -- and now smoking pot. At first I loved that he finally had friends outside my family circle....but looking back now...I think his ability to go out with them -- and then I'd go out with my friends (we were very tit for tat) -- simply took away from the family values we both really did (and still do) cherish. I mentioned splitting with Joel often -- wishing he would hear me and things would change... I begged him to get counseling -- which he did briefly. They put him on antidepressants that made him yawn...so he stopped them and going all together. We had deep rooted issues. Drinking. Anger. Sadness. And the lack of love and support from his family. His dad repeatedly told Joel he was a worthless man -- I don't know how anyone could overcome that. I still have a letter I read the other day that his dad wrote Joel in college. Brutal. As a parent, it's simply inexcusable to me. I was very protective of my love for Joel and his honor as a man with his parents. I let them belittle me and blame me for his lack of commitment to them. I shut my mouth when they never came to visit us or their grand kids. I sent pictures and cards religiously to everyone in the family -- and recieved nothing in return. I bit my tongue when they were rude to me and to Joel -- even to our kids. I grew to despise them.
In December, I decided to start sleeping on the couch -- and no one cared. The month of December was hard. Christmas is such a happy time and Joel and I faked it well. I knew he wasn't happy with me. I wasn't happy with him. But if there is anything in this world that we both love more than anything our the boys...so we put on a happy face and continued the charade. New years brought a whole new sadness for me. Promise for 2007 -- yet a heavy heart knowing that Joel and I would split. I had to GRAB him and kiss him for the new year...we were 20 feet apart. It was indicative of how far apart we'd grown.
I want to reiterate that I love Joel. It's now months and months later and I still love him. Up until lately, he was my safety blanket. We have been together since I was 17 years old. He was everything to me. My marriage was falling apart, but I really never thought we would ever get a divorce. January came fast and hard. Him drinking more....me crying more. We went our separate ways. I was losing him. I honestly don't know if he cheated on me -- but I felt that his time spent at the bars and titty bars were very telling of where he was in his mind. We were driving 100mph apart and there was nothing stopping us except for the belief that neither of us had the balls to do anything about it.
Jan 27, 2007 -- Bunco. The girls went out to Cook and Jacks. The Beastie Boys introduced me to Justin. We karaoked...and danced. I told him I was married straight up. He had just moved back to Arizona after getting out of the Army and just wanted a friend. I gave him my number. I suppose I don't know why. It felt good to meet someone outside of our circle. He was intriguing. I went to Angela's that night. He called to be sure we got home okay. I went home the next day, with a smile on my face.
Then he called me on Wednesday night....Jan 31st. I was awake on the couch...Joel was in bed. He wanted to meet for a drink. I did....
(To be Continued)
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Coming Soon: A new and improved me....
This blog is in serious need of updating....and I'm in serious need of blogging again.
I'm back folks....
So be on the lookout.... cause once I start....who knows what will happen next....
mwwwwwaaaaa :-)
I'm back folks....
So be on the lookout.... cause once I start....who knows what will happen next....
mwwwwwaaaaa :-)
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Prayers requested for my dad (and for me.....)
I sure am needy lately, aren't I?
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/johnkealy
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/johnkealy
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Let me introduce you to my newest addition!!!
This is Piper.... Piper Kealy
The breeder had her "named" Mary Poopins...LOL
She's 9 weeks old...and so so so cute. Just sweet as can be....maybe not the best rational decision I've ever made, but I've always wanted a little dog and SOMEONE always said NO....well adios to that SOMEONE and enter Piper.
Quite a trade up, if I do say so myself.
The breeder had her "named" Mary Poopins...LOL
She's 9 weeks old...and so so so cute. Just sweet as can be....maybe not the best rational decision I've ever made, but I've always wanted a little dog and SOMEONE always said NO....well adios to that SOMEONE and enter Piper.
Quite a trade up, if I do say so myself.
Monday, July 02, 2007
Hanging in there -- retreat was a disaster....
we are getting a divorce.
I love my job though.
I will be okay.
I love my job though.
I will be okay.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
PANIC ATTACK!!
I had one today...........it was terrifying.
I have no idea how I am going manage my stress load...I am literally hanging by the teensiest thread.
My dad went into the hospital on Saturday -- HOPEFULLY it is JUST pneumonia, but they are worried there is a underline lung cancer causing the fluid... just the word "cancer" scares all of us -- my dad was a smoker for many many years -- he's been stopped for almost 5 years now...but.......he's my dad....and I love him more than anything.
The boys started their daycare/summer camp yesterday -- which was brutal for cole. Dane tried to suck it up and be a big boy -- I don't know which is harder on me.
I start my job today -- am going to leave the house in about 10 minutes....I haven't a clue what to expect...my first day back to professional work in 7 years....sigh
The house being on the market is totally stressing me out -- the people, the dogs, cleaning, just the unknown of it all.
Joel....well, things are improving there....we've been talking a lot. He is working on his life and I am working on mine. We are signed up for a weekend retreat at the end of the month. Feeling all sorts of nervous anxiety and anticipation in regard to that. But I do love him....and my children love him...and I will be "married" to him if only as parents forever, so it's the least we can do for each other.
The divorce is still going forward though in the way of I just got a bill...and so did he...and money is tighter than either of us can live thru.
As far as all other relationships in my life -- there is so much change. There is still so much disappointment in people -- really figuring out people aren't really who you thought they were. It's a painful process.
What else in my cheery mother of a life...
I have no idea how I am going manage my stress load...I am literally hanging by the teensiest thread.
My dad went into the hospital on Saturday -- HOPEFULLY it is JUST pneumonia, but they are worried there is a underline lung cancer causing the fluid... just the word "cancer" scares all of us -- my dad was a smoker for many many years -- he's been stopped for almost 5 years now...but.......he's my dad....and I love him more than anything.
The boys started their daycare/summer camp yesterday -- which was brutal for cole. Dane tried to suck it up and be a big boy -- I don't know which is harder on me.
I start my job today -- am going to leave the house in about 10 minutes....I haven't a clue what to expect...my first day back to professional work in 7 years....sigh
The house being on the market is totally stressing me out -- the people, the dogs, cleaning, just the unknown of it all.
Joel....well, things are improving there....we've been talking a lot. He is working on his life and I am working on mine. We are signed up for a weekend retreat at the end of the month. Feeling all sorts of nervous anxiety and anticipation in regard to that. But I do love him....and my children love him...and I will be "married" to him if only as parents forever, so it's the least we can do for each other.
The divorce is still going forward though in the way of I just got a bill...and so did he...and money is tighter than either of us can live thru.
As far as all other relationships in my life -- there is so much change. There is still so much disappointment in people -- really figuring out people aren't really who you thought they were. It's a painful process.
What else in my cheery mother of a life...
Monday, June 11, 2007
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Thanks Shelia!!
From my friend,
In my garden magazine, was a page that made me think of you, and I wanted to share it with you.....
It's called "Finding Your Sanctuary"... and although it is about gardening, I think it fits super well with life also.....
Just substitue the "lawn"and "gardening" stuff with "life" and "happiness", etc.......
".......... But a perfectly composed backyard escape - complete with all the elements of a peaceful refuge - won't bring you bliss if your head's in the wrong place. ...... "
"Many people make the mistake of believing that their moods create their thoughts. In reality, it is their thoughts that produce their moods."
"Give negative thoughts the boot, and make room for positive feelings. If you wanted to replace a glass of stale wine with fresh wine, first you must pour out the old wine. It's the same with clearing our minds of unwanted, stale thoughts." "To do that, we need to 'forget the past and the future, and just be."
"Live in the moment - enjoying the process of creating your garden rather than worrying about how it will turn out -- and you'll find your sanctuary."
In my garden magazine, was a page that made me think of you, and I wanted to share it with you.....
It's called "Finding Your Sanctuary"... and although it is about gardening, I think it fits super well with life also.....
Just substitue the "lawn"and "gardening" stuff with "life" and "happiness", etc.......
".......... But a perfectly composed backyard escape - complete with all the elements of a peaceful refuge - won't bring you bliss if your head's in the wrong place. ...... "
"Many people make the mistake of believing that their moods create their thoughts. In reality, it is their thoughts that produce their moods."
"Give negative thoughts the boot, and make room for positive feelings. If you wanted to replace a glass of stale wine with fresh wine, first you must pour out the old wine. It's the same with clearing our minds of unwanted, stale thoughts." "To do that, we need to 'forget the past and the future, and just be."
"Live in the moment - enjoying the process of creating your garden rather than worrying about how it will turn out -- and you'll find your sanctuary."
Friday, June 08, 2007
A child who is embarrassed by their parents is a child who just hasn't lived long enough....
That is from a book that I'm reading called For One More Day by Mitch Albom (I can't figure out how to underline, so deal with it)....I'll be done with it tonight...I started it a little bit ago but I'm watching my kids and my nephews, making dinner, cleaning the house, and dealing with the carpet people....but it's good and I don't want to put it down...a simple book with a million messages and I'm only on page 109....
but anyway.... back to my title....
and my thoughts of my parents....
It's true you know....that the older you get the more you appreciate your parents....the SHIT that your parents went thru.
I've been thinking about it a lot lately. This divorce crap sucks...it sucks on a PLETHORA of levels. One of those levels...and one of the bigger ones...is how it's affecting my parents. My parents. My parents.
My parents have known each other quite literally from birth -- they were born 3 days apart...their families have known each other forever. They are very much the storybook love story. One was rich, One wasn't. Love. Catholic School. Love. High School Sweethearts. Love. Cheerleader/Football star. Love. Notre Dame/Small Private Girls College. Love. Letters Home. Love. Reuniting (cause it feels so good -- it's a song people...laugh) Love. 5 kids. Love. Moves. Love. Money Issues. Love. Love. Love. Support. Support. Support.
Wait...
That is how I remember it.
And that is (pardon my french) fucking cool.
My divorce is almost, dare I say it, harder on them then it is on me. I never thought that would be the case. I know they support me, and love me...and I know that this is just eating them alive. My dad can't talk about it without crying. My mom tries so hard to love me, support me, yet her voice quivers and her heart is breaking. I never realized how the ripple of this wave would affect them.
My parents are religious. I would go as far as calling them old school. I understand this is a hard concept. But, I never thought for ONE MOMENT that they would look on the potential failure of my marriage as a fault OF THEIRS...
Recently I went up to the cabin with my parents and we dove into the conversation of where my life has taken me. I will never forget that conversation for a couple reasons.
#1. My mom said to me "maybe we failed in making you believe everything was perfect"... she might have a point. But, my God, how beautiful is that!? She told me that they, too, have had issues and times when the world and their love felt dark...it felt foreign to me...as if Mother Teresa was looking at me saying that once upon a time she stole from the poor. But what she didn't know was that I went to bed and couldn't sleep...and tossed and turned and thought about them. I thought about the years when they struggled with newborn twins at home, no air conditioning in Arizona, Dad in full frat mode, mom working... I thought about the money problems, the Las Vegas stories... I thought mostly about the stories I never knew about...the life they went thru that I was sheltered from...and I cried...I cried because I want my children one day to think about their daddy and me...and picture him pinching my butt when dancing on Christmas eve...or picture us finishing each other's sentences....or knowing what the other one is thinking when a particular song comes on... I want them to think of Joel and I and picture the love in our eyes...the gentle "I love you" whisper or even the crazy "you are crazier than I am" looks...I want them to know Joel and I like I know my parents...cause I don't remember anything but happiness...or maybe the times that were less than rose colored...I still remember them united... and again with the french....that is fucking cool.
#2. My dad said two things that stood out that night... He said to me that people would say two things about people who get divorced now...
One is that they will say we are taking the easy way out. He asked me what I thought about that -- I corrected him...and I will correct any of you who are thinking that. I am guessing that those of you who believe that to be true are not divorced yourself. I will also say...personally this is most definitely NOT the easy way out. The easy thing to do would be to have pretended that Joel and I had no issue at all. The easy thing to do would be to keep on in a marriage that was unsatisfying and cruel because it would be easier on our children, our friends, our family, the company, finances, etc. Splitting up from Joel and standing up for my right to a full love is quite possibly the most difficult and most brave thing I've ever done....
And the other thing he asked me was "Can you honestly say you've tried your best?" because people will say you just threw in the towel.... and I had to be honest. That honesty is what got the wheels turning to where I am and how I feel on this very moment. I think I've tried hard with Joel for the last 2 years and it honestly has not be reciprocated the way I felt was fair...but THIS time....THIS time when I made the poor choices I made, when Joel actually left and when divorce was filed...I *did* give up. I cashed in my chips and walked away. I believe Joel did too. And since that cabin trip...when the walls were broken down and I was allowed to feel and not be defensive, I can't help but think...think about how I have forgotten to fight for someone I love more dearly than anyone in the world. Think about how I have failed as a wife. Think about how I have cheated Joel, and in turn, my children, my family as a whole. Just think.
...and I don't want my kids to think of their mother as someone who gave in easily. I don't want their memories to be robbed. I also don't want them to think love is easy....or life and problem solving is easy....but that it is worth it. I want them to see real love. I want them to see us struggle and end up on the top of the mountain together. And, if worse comes to worse and we end up divorced, I want them to look at me and at Joel with respect and admiration that we gave it all we can because we believed in the power of love, that we DO love each other and, more than anything else, more than anything else in the world, that we DO love them everyday....
cause....that would be fucking cool.
but anyway.... back to my title....
and my thoughts of my parents....
It's true you know....that the older you get the more you appreciate your parents....the SHIT that your parents went thru.
I've been thinking about it a lot lately. This divorce crap sucks...it sucks on a PLETHORA of levels. One of those levels...and one of the bigger ones...is how it's affecting my parents. My parents. My parents.
My parents have known each other quite literally from birth -- they were born 3 days apart...their families have known each other forever. They are very much the storybook love story. One was rich, One wasn't. Love. Catholic School. Love. High School Sweethearts. Love. Cheerleader/Football star. Love. Notre Dame/Small Private Girls College. Love. Letters Home. Love. Reuniting (cause it feels so good -- it's a song people...laugh) Love. 5 kids. Love. Moves. Love. Money Issues. Love. Love. Love. Support. Support. Support.
Wait...
That is how I remember it.
And that is (pardon my french) fucking cool.
My divorce is almost, dare I say it, harder on them then it is on me. I never thought that would be the case. I know they support me, and love me...and I know that this is just eating them alive. My dad can't talk about it without crying. My mom tries so hard to love me, support me, yet her voice quivers and her heart is breaking. I never realized how the ripple of this wave would affect them.
My parents are religious. I would go as far as calling them old school. I understand this is a hard concept. But, I never thought for ONE MOMENT that they would look on the potential failure of my marriage as a fault OF THEIRS...
Recently I went up to the cabin with my parents and we dove into the conversation of where my life has taken me. I will never forget that conversation for a couple reasons.
#1. My mom said to me "maybe we failed in making you believe everything was perfect"... she might have a point. But, my God, how beautiful is that!? She told me that they, too, have had issues and times when the world and their love felt dark...it felt foreign to me...as if Mother Teresa was looking at me saying that once upon a time she stole from the poor. But what she didn't know was that I went to bed and couldn't sleep...and tossed and turned and thought about them. I thought about the years when they struggled with newborn twins at home, no air conditioning in Arizona, Dad in full frat mode, mom working... I thought about the money problems, the Las Vegas stories... I thought mostly about the stories I never knew about...the life they went thru that I was sheltered from...and I cried...I cried because I want my children one day to think about their daddy and me...and picture him pinching my butt when dancing on Christmas eve...or picture us finishing each other's sentences....or knowing what the other one is thinking when a particular song comes on... I want them to think of Joel and I and picture the love in our eyes...the gentle "I love you" whisper or even the crazy "you are crazier than I am" looks...I want them to know Joel and I like I know my parents...cause I don't remember anything but happiness...or maybe the times that were less than rose colored...I still remember them united... and again with the french....that is fucking cool.
#2. My dad said two things that stood out that night... He said to me that people would say two things about people who get divorced now...
One is that they will say we are taking the easy way out. He asked me what I thought about that -- I corrected him...and I will correct any of you who are thinking that. I am guessing that those of you who believe that to be true are not divorced yourself. I will also say...personally this is most definitely NOT the easy way out. The easy thing to do would be to have pretended that Joel and I had no issue at all. The easy thing to do would be to keep on in a marriage that was unsatisfying and cruel because it would be easier on our children, our friends, our family, the company, finances, etc. Splitting up from Joel and standing up for my right to a full love is quite possibly the most difficult and most brave thing I've ever done....
And the other thing he asked me was "Can you honestly say you've tried your best?" because people will say you just threw in the towel.... and I had to be honest. That honesty is what got the wheels turning to where I am and how I feel on this very moment. I think I've tried hard with Joel for the last 2 years and it honestly has not be reciprocated the way I felt was fair...but THIS time....THIS time when I made the poor choices I made, when Joel actually left and when divorce was filed...I *did* give up. I cashed in my chips and walked away. I believe Joel did too. And since that cabin trip...when the walls were broken down and I was allowed to feel and not be defensive, I can't help but think...think about how I have forgotten to fight for someone I love more dearly than anyone in the world. Think about how I have failed as a wife. Think about how I have cheated Joel, and in turn, my children, my family as a whole. Just think.
...and I don't want my kids to think of their mother as someone who gave in easily. I don't want their memories to be robbed. I also don't want them to think love is easy....or life and problem solving is easy....but that it is worth it. I want them to see real love. I want them to see us struggle and end up on the top of the mountain together. And, if worse comes to worse and we end up divorced, I want them to look at me and at Joel with respect and admiration that we gave it all we can because we believed in the power of love, that we DO love each other and, more than anything else, more than anything else in the world, that we DO love them everyday....
cause....that would be fucking cool.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
The power of my wedding ring
...it's a funny story how I got the rings back....funny...um, might not be the right word...but nevertheless, it's back in my possession.
After 4 months + of not wearing the beautiful ring...I tried it on "just cause". I swear it was like the clouds lifted and the choir busted out into song.
WHAT IN THE HELL AM I DOING?
(OK, OK, so they might not sing that song at your church -- but they do in mine).
Why is it that in the midst of throwing away a 13 year relationship, I forgot to try and save it? Why is it that in the midst of blaming him for not fighting for me, I forgot to fight for him? Why is it that in the midst of me trying to find happiness in somebody else, I forgot to find happiness within myself? Why is it that in the midst of me worrying about how a divorce will affect my children, I forgot to believe that seeing their parents fight and persevere might actually make them better at love? Why is it that in the midst of all of this crap, I forgot that it might actually get better?
I'm not over Joel. I still love that man more than anything. I want my marriage to work.
I know, I know...I'm all over the place...and I know, I know, that this may very well be the process of moving forward with the divorce....
but I also know...that I will not say goodbye to my relationship without giving it everything I have.... if Joel decides to walk, or if we decide that after a valiant effort, we are irrepareable, then I must accept it...
but for now....maybe god is granting me the courage to change the things I can?
Maybe?
Monday, June 04, 2007
So, this past weekend was Joel's weekend with the boys
and I get an email from my SISTER that is a forwarded email to her (and my brother) from Joel..... and the subject says, "what do ya think?" and then I see my beautiful curly haired oldest son...
Ok, so this picture is hilarious
and maybe he likes it a little, but....
what would YOU think -- what would you do?
Ok, so this picture is hilarious
and maybe he likes it a little, but....
what would YOU think -- what would you do?
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
GUESS WHAT?!
You are talking to -- um, reading a blog from-- a gainfully employed Foster Care Specialist/Case Manager! Yep, I got a job, folks!
It's not a whole lot of money of course, but for a cause I greatly believe in -- helping children who's parents can't do it for whatever reason. There are full benefits, cell phone reimbursement and seems like a great fit.
I don't start until the 19th -- which will save on daycare....and allow me to concentrate on my boys and my house (which is on the market as of FRIDAY!!! ACK!!!!) for a couple weeks before I have to work FULL TIME -- 8-4......
wow......
And I have to tell you -- I have been so moved by all the comments -- and for the women on the PALP board that I post on, for all your posts -- I really feel so empty inside and so alone and then WAHLA....I hear from you all and see how great the support and love really is.....
Means more than words can say...
It's not a whole lot of money of course, but for a cause I greatly believe in -- helping children who's parents can't do it for whatever reason. There are full benefits, cell phone reimbursement and seems like a great fit.
I don't start until the 19th -- which will save on daycare....and allow me to concentrate on my boys and my house (which is on the market as of FRIDAY!!! ACK!!!!) for a couple weeks before I have to work FULL TIME -- 8-4......
wow......
And I have to tell you -- I have been so moved by all the comments -- and for the women on the PALP board that I post on, for all your posts -- I really feel so empty inside and so alone and then WAHLA....I hear from you all and see how great the support and love really is.....
Means more than words can say...
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
I have fallen below the water line....
...and I can't seem to get up to get air....
My life went into fast forward today....I know that it has been spinning out of control for at least 6 months, but today, officially, I can't catch my breath.
God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I Cannot change…
Courage to change the things I can
And Wisdom to know the difference…
Job interviews -- potential job
Money issues
Bills
Daycare for the boys -- Dane gets out of school tomorrow -- so SUMMER care and then NEXT YEAR care (and of course it is *I* that will be finding all of this)
The house is going on the market
I am going to be taking the sole brunt of the house sale...the cleaning, the rearranging the throwing things out the scheduling conflicts, the dogs...etc...
I am going to need to find a place to rent -- what about my TWO dogs?
bills?
money?
How will the boys deal with moving?
Where will I move?
HOW will I move?
How did my marriage end up like this?
How did the man I spent 13 years with become a stranger? A stranger who never once said "I want you back and I'll do anything to make that happen?"
The divorce -- Joel should have been served by now
Will it be peaceful?
Can we agree to the terms of us splitting up when we can't agree to anything else?
Will we ever be friends again?
Will my boys ever forgive me?
Oh yes, tears are flowing easily today... but it is what it is... I have a beautiful family...supportive parents....at least TWO supportive siblings... I am educated...I am strong...I am able.....I have amazing friendships... I just HAVE TO BELIEVE that there is a day in my future -- when I am going to look back at this road I'm travelling on right now and say "THIS IS WHY..."
I'll find my own feet to stand on.
I'll find my own strength to carry me on.
I'll find me.
One day.
My life went into fast forward today....I know that it has been spinning out of control for at least 6 months, but today, officially, I can't catch my breath.
God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I Cannot change…
Courage to change the things I can
And Wisdom to know the difference…
Job interviews -- potential job
Money issues
Bills
Daycare for the boys -- Dane gets out of school tomorrow -- so SUMMER care and then NEXT YEAR care (and of course it is *I* that will be finding all of this)
The house is going on the market
I am going to be taking the sole brunt of the house sale...the cleaning, the rearranging the throwing things out the scheduling conflicts, the dogs...etc...
I am going to need to find a place to rent -- what about my TWO dogs?
bills?
money?
How will the boys deal with moving?
Where will I move?
HOW will I move?
How did my marriage end up like this?
How did the man I spent 13 years with become a stranger? A stranger who never once said "I want you back and I'll do anything to make that happen?"
The divorce -- Joel should have been served by now
Will it be peaceful?
Can we agree to the terms of us splitting up when we can't agree to anything else?
Will we ever be friends again?
Will my boys ever forgive me?
Oh yes, tears are flowing easily today... but it is what it is... I have a beautiful family...supportive parents....at least TWO supportive siblings... I am educated...I am strong...I am able.....I have amazing friendships... I just HAVE TO BELIEVE that there is a day in my future -- when I am going to look back at this road I'm travelling on right now and say "THIS IS WHY..."
I'll find my own feet to stand on.
I'll find my own strength to carry me on.
I'll find me.
One day.
Friday, May 25, 2007
*A--Accept*
Accept others for who they are and for the choices they've made even if you have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives, or actions.
*B--Break Away*
Break away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope to accomplish with your life.
*C--Create*
Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams, sorrows, and happiness with.
*D--Decide*
Decide that you'll be successful and happy come what may, and good things will find you. The roadblocks are only minor obstacles along the way.
*E--Explore*
Explore and experiment. The world has much to offer, and you have much to give. And every time you try something new, you'll learn more about yourself.
*F--Forgive*
Forgive and forget. Grudges only weigh you down and inspire unhappiness and grief. Soar above it, and remember that everyone makes mistakes.
*G--Grow*
Leave the childhood monsters behind. They can no longer hurt you or stand in your way.
*H--Hope*
Hope for the best and never forget that anything is possible as long as you remain dedicated to the task.
*I--Ignore*
Ignore the negative voice inside your head. Focus instead on your goals and remember your accomplishments. Your past success is only a small inkling of what the future holds.
*J--Journey*
Journey to new worlds, new possibilities, by remaining open-minded. Try to learn something new every day, and you'll grow.
*K--Know*
Know that no matter how bad things seem, they'll always get better. The warmth of spring always follows the harshest winter.
*L--Love*
Let love fill your heart instead of hate. When hate is in your heart, there's room for nothing else, but when love is in your heart, there's room for endless happiness.
*M--Manage*
Manage your time and your expenses wisely, and you'll suffer less stress and worry. Then you'll be able to focus on the important things in life.
*N--Notice*
Never ignore the poor, infirm, helpless, weak, or suffering. Offer your assistance when possible, and always your kindness and understanding.
*O--Open*
Open your eyes and take in all the beauty around you. Even during the worst of times, there's still much to be thankful for.
*P--Play*
Never forget to have fun along the way. Success means nothing without happiness.
*Q--Question*
Ask many questions, because you're here to learn.
*R--Relax*
Refuse to let worry and stress rule your life, and remember that things always have a way of working out in the end.
*S--Share*
Share your talent, skills, knowledge, and time with others. Everything that you invest in others will return to you many times over.
*T--Try*
Even when your dreams seem impossible to reach, try anyway. You'll be amazed by what you can accomplish.
*U--Use*
Use your gifts to your best ability. Talent that's wasted has no value. Talent that's used will bring unexpected rewards.
*V--Value*
Value the friends and family members who've supported and encouraged you, and be there for them as well.
*W--Work*
Work hard every day to be the best person you can be, but never feel guilty if you fall short of your goals. Every sunrise offers a second chance.
*X--X-Ray*
Look deep inside the hearts of those around you and you'll see the goodness and beauty within.
*Y--Yield*
Yield to commitment. If you stay on track and remain dedicated, you'll find success at the end of the road.
*Z--Zoom*
Zoom to a happy place when bad memories or sorrow rears its ugly head. Let nothing interfere with your goals. Instead, focus on your abilities, your dreams, and a brighter tomorrow.
Accept others for who they are and for the choices they've made even if you have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives, or actions.
*B--Break Away*
Break away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope to accomplish with your life.
*C--Create*
Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams, sorrows, and happiness with.
*D--Decide*
Decide that you'll be successful and happy come what may, and good things will find you. The roadblocks are only minor obstacles along the way.
*E--Explore*
Explore and experiment. The world has much to offer, and you have much to give. And every time you try something new, you'll learn more about yourself.
*F--Forgive*
Forgive and forget. Grudges only weigh you down and inspire unhappiness and grief. Soar above it, and remember that everyone makes mistakes.
*G--Grow*
Leave the childhood monsters behind. They can no longer hurt you or stand in your way.
*H--Hope*
Hope for the best and never forget that anything is possible as long as you remain dedicated to the task.
*I--Ignore*
Ignore the negative voice inside your head. Focus instead on your goals and remember your accomplishments. Your past success is only a small inkling of what the future holds.
*J--Journey*
Journey to new worlds, new possibilities, by remaining open-minded. Try to learn something new every day, and you'll grow.
*K--Know*
Know that no matter how bad things seem, they'll always get better. The warmth of spring always follows the harshest winter.
*L--Love*
Let love fill your heart instead of hate. When hate is in your heart, there's room for nothing else, but when love is in your heart, there's room for endless happiness.
*M--Manage*
Manage your time and your expenses wisely, and you'll suffer less stress and worry. Then you'll be able to focus on the important things in life.
*N--Notice*
Never ignore the poor, infirm, helpless, weak, or suffering. Offer your assistance when possible, and always your kindness and understanding.
*O--Open*
Open your eyes and take in all the beauty around you. Even during the worst of times, there's still much to be thankful for.
*P--Play*
Never forget to have fun along the way. Success means nothing without happiness.
*Q--Question*
Ask many questions, because you're here to learn.
*R--Relax*
Refuse to let worry and stress rule your life, and remember that things always have a way of working out in the end.
*S--Share*
Share your talent, skills, knowledge, and time with others. Everything that you invest in others will return to you many times over.
*T--Try*
Even when your dreams seem impossible to reach, try anyway. You'll be amazed by what you can accomplish.
*U--Use*
Use your gifts to your best ability. Talent that's wasted has no value. Talent that's used will bring unexpected rewards.
*V--Value*
Value the friends and family members who've supported and encouraged you, and be there for them as well.
*W--Work*
Work hard every day to be the best person you can be, but never feel guilty if you fall short of your goals. Every sunrise offers a second chance.
*X--X-Ray*
Look deep inside the hearts of those around you and you'll see the goodness and beauty within.
*Y--Yield*
Yield to commitment. If you stay on track and remain dedicated, you'll find success at the end of the road.
*Z--Zoom*
Zoom to a happy place when bad memories or sorrow rears its ugly head. Let nothing interfere with your goals. Instead, focus on your abilities, your dreams, and a brighter tomorrow.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Monday, May 07, 2007
And for today -- this quote is a favorite of mine...
"If you have made mistakes,
even serious ones,
there is always
another
chance
for
you.
What we call failure
is not the falling down
but the
staying
down."
~Mary Pickford
even serious ones,
there is always
another
chance
for
you.
What we call failure
is not the falling down
but the
staying
down."
~Mary Pickford
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Is Blood Thicker Than Water.....
I always thought so -- but my life, as of late, would make quite the argument.
Pain...comes in rushes
Fear...never leaves
Happiness...changes, it's the smallest things now
Loyalty...is lost
Friendship...forever altered
Dreams...are selfishly mine
Tears...fall daily
Disappointment...only those you love the most can really fail you
Hope...seems lost
Strength....looking for it inside
Pride...learning to say goodbye
Loss...More than I ever thought
Family...Unsure of that word
Love...Found around a suprising corner, Lost around a familiar place
Death... A promise of rebirth.
Pain...comes in rushes
Fear...never leaves
Happiness...changes, it's the smallest things now
Loyalty...is lost
Friendship...forever altered
Dreams...are selfishly mine
Tears...fall daily
Disappointment...only those you love the most can really fail you
Hope...seems lost
Strength....looking for it inside
Pride...learning to say goodbye
Loss...More than I ever thought
Family...Unsure of that word
Love...Found around a suprising corner, Lost around a familiar place
Death... A promise of rebirth.
Monday, April 02, 2007
Hi Blogger Friends (especially Laurie.....you are so kind)
I'm here...sort of. Long story, short?
Can't do that.
I'll put it like this....
January, unsure, uneasy, sad, lonely, we met, he left, confused, angry, Feburary, bachelorette party, drunk, birthday, disappointed in family and friends, depression, alone, March, anniversary, he's still gone, he's not coming back, California, feeling better, busy, single parent, sad, confused, dream lost, April, Costa Rica, scared, hopeless, busy, staying afloat, finding out who the real friends are, broke, lonely, mom...
mom, mom, mom....
I'm in love with the title "mom"
Thanks for your thoughts.
Can't do that.
I'll put it like this....
January, unsure, uneasy, sad, lonely, we met, he left, confused, angry, Feburary, bachelorette party, drunk, birthday, disappointed in family and friends, depression, alone, March, anniversary, he's still gone, he's not coming back, California, feeling better, busy, single parent, sad, confused, dream lost, April, Costa Rica, scared, hopeless, busy, staying afloat, finding out who the real friends are, broke, lonely, mom...
mom, mom, mom....
I'm in love with the title "mom"
Thanks for your thoughts.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Heading off tonight.....
Going on a cruise with 12 of my nearest and dearest girlfriends this weekend. I'm thinking some sea breeze will do my soul some good....and upon my return, I've got a bunch of work to do.
So adios blogger land, for I'm Mexico bound.......
So adios blogger land, for I'm Mexico bound.......
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Are you the praying kind?
please send me your positive energy, vibes, prayers, karma, or whatever you call it..... In desperate need of a helping hand.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Conversations with Cole
These all took place this morning -- and it's all of 9:36am.....so this day holds a lot of potential.
"Mom, I wuv you"
"I love you too, bobo"
"Why?"
"Cause you are beautiful and kind"
"I am?" (goofy look)
"Well, of course you are" (as he jumps in my arms)
"How come"
"Your eyes are beautiful, your nose is as cute as a button, your teeth have no sugar bugs on them, and you treat everyone nicely" (kiss)
"Mom, don't be silly (read as siwwy), only girls have beautiful (bootifull) eyes"
"Mom, Jesus is a baby, right?"
"He was"
"So now he's a daddy?"
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm "no"
"oh, so he's dead?"
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm "Yes, Jesus died"
"Did he see a doctor?"
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm "no" (wondering if he's going to press this...hard to explain to a 3 year old he was HANGED on a cross)
"Jesus was a baby on Christmas"
hmmmmmmmmmmmm "well Jesus was BORN on Christmas -- that's why we celebrate"
"so he was just born and already died?"
OH VEY!
"I miss Dane. When do we pick him up"
"Same time as always -- 3:00"
"Let's go get him now" (evil chuckle)
"What I'm not enough fun for you?"
"I like when Dane says I'm buggin him."
"Can I have this?"
"No, Cole....it's breakfast"
"What's wrong with this?
"It's a DING DONG -- that's what's wrong with it!"
"Hm, we could call it something else."
"Mom, I wuv you"
"I love you too, bobo"
"Why?"
"Cause you are beautiful and kind"
"I am?" (goofy look)
"Well, of course you are" (as he jumps in my arms)
"How come"
"Your eyes are beautiful, your nose is as cute as a button, your teeth have no sugar bugs on them, and you treat everyone nicely" (kiss)
"Mom, don't be silly (read as siwwy), only girls have beautiful (bootifull) eyes"
"Mom, Jesus is a baby, right?"
"He was"
"So now he's a daddy?"
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm "no"
"oh, so he's dead?"
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm "Yes, Jesus died"
"Did he see a doctor?"
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm "no" (wondering if he's going to press this...hard to explain to a 3 year old he was HANGED on a cross)
"Jesus was a baby on Christmas"
hmmmmmmmmmmmm "well Jesus was BORN on Christmas -- that's why we celebrate"
"so he was just born and already died?"
OH VEY!
"I miss Dane. When do we pick him up"
"Same time as always -- 3:00"
"Let's go get him now" (evil chuckle)
"What I'm not enough fun for you?"
"I like when Dane says I'm buggin him."
"Can I have this?"
"No, Cole....it's breakfast"
"What's wrong with this?
"It's a DING DONG -- that's what's wrong with it!"
"Hm, we could call it something else."
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
It's a difficult read -- but thought provoking and justified
The paper stated today that some Muslim doctor is saying we are profiling him because he has been checked three times while getting on an airplane.
A Letter From An American Airlines Pilot
This well spoken man, who is a pilot with American Airlines, says what is in his heart beautifully
YOU WORRY ME!
By American Airlines Pilot - Captain John Maniscalco
I've been trying to say this since 9-11 but you worry me. I wish you didn't. I wish when I walked down the streets of this country that I love, that your color and culture still blended with the beautiful human landscape we enjoy in this country. But you don't blend in anymore. I notice you, and it worries me.
I notice you because I can't help it anymore. People from your homelands, professing to be Muslims, have been attacking and killing my fellow citizens and our friends for more than 20 years now. I don't fully understand their grievances and hate but I know that nothing can justify the inhumanity of their attacks.
On September 11, nineteen ARAB-MUSLIMS hijacked four jetliners in my country. They cut the throats of women in front of children and brutally stabbed to death others. They took control of those planes and crashed them into buildings killing thousands of proud fathers, loving sons, wise grandparents, elegant daughters, best friends, favorite coaches, fearless public servants, and children's mothers.
The Palestinians Celebrated, the Iraqis were overjoyed as was most of the Arab world. So I notice you now. I don't want to be worried. I don't want to be consumed by the same rage and hate and prejudice that has destroyed the soul of these terrorists. But I need your help. As a rational American, trying to protect my country and family in an irrational and unsafe world, I must know how to tell the difference between you, and the Arab/Muslim terrorist.
How do I differentiate between the true Arab/Muslim-Americans and the Arab/Muslims in our communities who are attending our schools, enjoying our parks, and living in OUR communities under the protection of OUR constitution, while they plot the next attack that will slaughter these same good neighbors and children? The events of September 11th changed the answer. It is not my responsibility to determine which of you embraces our great country, with ALL of its religions, with ALL of its different citizens, with all of its faults. It is time for every Arab/Muslim in this country to determine it for me.
I want to know, I demand to know, and I have a right to know whether or not you love America. Do you pledge allegiance to its flag? Do you proudly display it in front of your house, or on your car?
Do you pray in your many daily prayers that Allah will bless this nation, that He will protect and prosper it? Or do you pray that Allah with destroy it in one of your "Jihads"? Are you thankful for the freedom that only this nation affords? A freedom that was paid for by the blood of hundreds of thousands of patriots who gave their lives for this country? Are you willing to preserve this freedom by paying the ultimate sacrifice? Do you love America? If this is your commitment, then I need YOU to start letting ME know about it.
Your Muslim leaders in this nation should be flooding the media at this time with hard facts on your faith, and what hard actions you are taking as a community and as a religion to protect the United States of America. Please, no more benign overtures of regret for the death of the innocent because I worry about who you regard as innocent. No more benign overtures of condemnation for the unprovoked attacks because I worry about what is unprovoked to you. I am not interested in any more sympathy... I am only interested in action. What will you do for America - our great country -- at this time of crisis, at this time of war?
I want to see Arab-Muslims waving the AMERICAN flag in the streets. I want to hear you chanting "Allah Bless Americaa I want to see young Arab/Muslim men enlisting in the military. I want to see a commitment of money, time, and emotion to the victims of this butchering and to this nation as a whole. The FBI has a list of over 400 people they want to talk to regarding the WTC attack. Many of these people live and socialize in Muslim communities. You know them. You know where they are.
Hand them over to us, now! But I have seen little even approaching this sort of action. Instead I have seen an already closed and secretive community close even tighter. You have disappeared from the streets. You have posted armed security guards at your facilities.
You have threatened lawsuits. You have screamed for protection from reprisals.
The very few Arab/Muslim representatives that HAVE appeared in the media were defensive and equivocating. They seemed more concerned with making sure that the United States proves who was responsible before taking action. They seemed more concerned with protecting their fellow Muslims from violence directed towards them in the United States and abroad than they did with supporting our country and denouncing "leaders" like Khadafy, Hussein, Farrakhan, and Arafat.
If the true teachings of Islam proclaim tolerance and peace and love for all people then I want chapter and verse from the Koran and statements from popular Muslim leaders to back it up. What good is it if the teachings in the Koran are good and pure and true when your "leaders" are teaching fanatical interpretations, terrorism, and intolerance?
It matters little how good Islam SHOULD BE if large numbers of the world's Muslims interpret the teachings of Mohammed incorrectly and adhere to a degenerative form of the religion. A form that has been demonstrated to us over and over again. A form whose structure is built upon a foundation of violence, death, and suicide. A form whose members are recruited from the prisons around the world. A form whose members (some as young as five years old) are seen day after day, week in and week out, year after year, marching in the streets around the world, burning effigies of our presidents, burning the American flag, shooting weapons into the air. A form whose members convert from a peaceful religion, only to take up arms against the great United States of America, the country of their birth. A form whose rules are so twisted, that their traveling members refuse to show their faces at airport security checkpoints, in the name of Islam.
Do you and your fellow Muslims hate us because our women proudly show their faces in public rather than cover up like a shameful whore? Do you and your fellow Muslims hate us because we drink wine with dinner, or celebrate Christmas? Do you and your fellow Muslims hate us because we have befriended Israel, the ONLY FRIENDLY CIVILIZED SOCIETY in the Muslim/Arab area, that thinks and acts like most Americans.
And if you and your fellow Muslims hate us, then why in the world are you even here? Are you here to take our money? Are you here to undermine our peace and stability? Are you here to destroy us? If so, I want you to leave. I want you to go back to your desert sandpit where women are treated like rats and dogs. I want you to take your religion, your friends, and your family back to your Islamic extremists, and STAY THERE! We will NEVER give in to your influence, your retarded mentality, your twisted, violent, intolerant religion.
We will NEVER allow the attacks of September 11, or any others for that matter, to take away that which is so precious to us: Our rights under the greatest constitution in the world. I want to know where every Arab/ Muslim in this country stands and I think it is my right and the right of every true citizen of this country to demand it. A right paid for by the blood of thousands of my brothers and sisters who died protecting the very constitution that is protecting you and your family. I am pleading with you to let me know. I want you here as my brother, my neighbor, my friend, as a fellow American. But there can be no gray areas or ambivalence regarding your allegiance and it is up to YOU, to show ME, where YOU stand. Until then ... you worry me. ***********************************************************************************
A Letter From An American Airlines Pilot
This well spoken man, who is a pilot with American Airlines, says what is in his heart beautifully
YOU WORRY ME!
By American Airlines Pilot - Captain John Maniscalco
I've been trying to say this since 9-11 but you worry me. I wish you didn't. I wish when I walked down the streets of this country that I love, that your color and culture still blended with the beautiful human landscape we enjoy in this country. But you don't blend in anymore. I notice you, and it worries me.
I notice you because I can't help it anymore. People from your homelands, professing to be Muslims, have been attacking and killing my fellow citizens and our friends for more than 20 years now. I don't fully understand their grievances and hate but I know that nothing can justify the inhumanity of their attacks.
On September 11, nineteen ARAB-MUSLIMS hijacked four jetliners in my country. They cut the throats of women in front of children and brutally stabbed to death others. They took control of those planes and crashed them into buildings killing thousands of proud fathers, loving sons, wise grandparents, elegant daughters, best friends, favorite coaches, fearless public servants, and children's mothers.
The Palestinians Celebrated, the Iraqis were overjoyed as was most of the Arab world. So I notice you now. I don't want to be worried. I don't want to be consumed by the same rage and hate and prejudice that has destroyed the soul of these terrorists. But I need your help. As a rational American, trying to protect my country and family in an irrational and unsafe world, I must know how to tell the difference between you, and the Arab/Muslim terrorist.
How do I differentiate between the true Arab/Muslim-Americans and the Arab/Muslims in our communities who are attending our schools, enjoying our parks, and living in OUR communities under the protection of OUR constitution, while they plot the next attack that will slaughter these same good neighbors and children? The events of September 11th changed the answer. It is not my responsibility to determine which of you embraces our great country, with ALL of its religions, with ALL of its different citizens, with all of its faults. It is time for every Arab/Muslim in this country to determine it for me.
I want to know, I demand to know, and I have a right to know whether or not you love America. Do you pledge allegiance to its flag? Do you proudly display it in front of your house, or on your car?
Do you pray in your many daily prayers that Allah will bless this nation, that He will protect and prosper it? Or do you pray that Allah with destroy it in one of your "Jihads"? Are you thankful for the freedom that only this nation affords? A freedom that was paid for by the blood of hundreds of thousands of patriots who gave their lives for this country? Are you willing to preserve this freedom by paying the ultimate sacrifice? Do you love America? If this is your commitment, then I need YOU to start letting ME know about it.
Your Muslim leaders in this nation should be flooding the media at this time with hard facts on your faith, and what hard actions you are taking as a community and as a religion to protect the United States of America. Please, no more benign overtures of regret for the death of the innocent because I worry about who you regard as innocent. No more benign overtures of condemnation for the unprovoked attacks because I worry about what is unprovoked to you. I am not interested in any more sympathy... I am only interested in action. What will you do for America - our great country -- at this time of crisis, at this time of war?
I want to see Arab-Muslims waving the AMERICAN flag in the streets. I want to hear you chanting "Allah Bless Americaa I want to see young Arab/Muslim men enlisting in the military. I want to see a commitment of money, time, and emotion to the victims of this butchering and to this nation as a whole. The FBI has a list of over 400 people they want to talk to regarding the WTC attack. Many of these people live and socialize in Muslim communities. You know them. You know where they are.
Hand them over to us, now! But I have seen little even approaching this sort of action. Instead I have seen an already closed and secretive community close even tighter. You have disappeared from the streets. You have posted armed security guards at your facilities.
You have threatened lawsuits. You have screamed for protection from reprisals.
The very few Arab/Muslim representatives that HAVE appeared in the media were defensive and equivocating. They seemed more concerned with making sure that the United States proves who was responsible before taking action. They seemed more concerned with protecting their fellow Muslims from violence directed towards them in the United States and abroad than they did with supporting our country and denouncing "leaders" like Khadafy, Hussein, Farrakhan, and Arafat.
If the true teachings of Islam proclaim tolerance and peace and love for all people then I want chapter and verse from the Koran and statements from popular Muslim leaders to back it up. What good is it if the teachings in the Koran are good and pure and true when your "leaders" are teaching fanatical interpretations, terrorism, and intolerance?
It matters little how good Islam SHOULD BE if large numbers of the world's Muslims interpret the teachings of Mohammed incorrectly and adhere to a degenerative form of the religion. A form that has been demonstrated to us over and over again. A form whose structure is built upon a foundation of violence, death, and suicide. A form whose members are recruited from the prisons around the world. A form whose members (some as young as five years old) are seen day after day, week in and week out, year after year, marching in the streets around the world, burning effigies of our presidents, burning the American flag, shooting weapons into the air. A form whose members convert from a peaceful religion, only to take up arms against the great United States of America, the country of their birth. A form whose rules are so twisted, that their traveling members refuse to show their faces at airport security checkpoints, in the name of Islam.
Do you and your fellow Muslims hate us because our women proudly show their faces in public rather than cover up like a shameful whore? Do you and your fellow Muslims hate us because we drink wine with dinner, or celebrate Christmas? Do you and your fellow Muslims hate us because we have befriended Israel, the ONLY FRIENDLY CIVILIZED SOCIETY in the Muslim/Arab area, that thinks and acts like most Americans.
And if you and your fellow Muslims hate us, then why in the world are you even here? Are you here to take our money? Are you here to undermine our peace and stability? Are you here to destroy us? If so, I want you to leave. I want you to go back to your desert sandpit where women are treated like rats and dogs. I want you to take your religion, your friends, and your family back to your Islamic extremists, and STAY THERE! We will NEVER give in to your influence, your retarded mentality, your twisted, violent, intolerant religion.
We will NEVER allow the attacks of September 11, or any others for that matter, to take away that which is so precious to us: Our rights under the greatest constitution in the world. I want to know where every Arab/ Muslim in this country stands and I think it is my right and the right of every true citizen of this country to demand it. A right paid for by the blood of thousands of my brothers and sisters who died protecting the very constitution that is protecting you and your family. I am pleading with you to let me know. I want you here as my brother, my neighbor, my friend, as a fellow American. But there can be no gray areas or ambivalence regarding your allegiance and it is up to YOU, to show ME, where YOU stand. Until then ... you worry me. ***********************************************************************************
Monday, January 22, 2007
34 years ago today the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that women had control over their reproductive choices
The anniversary of Roe is a day to celebrate this monumental decision — but also a day to look ahead. In the November elections, Americans in state after state signaled their support for commonsense policies that ensure access to essential reproductive health care services and defeated dangerous abortion bans and restrictions that threatened women's health and safety.
We are living a hopeful time shown perhaps most visibly by the 2006 election that brought us the first woman speaker of the House, the strongly pro-choice Nancy Pelosi. This move gave us hope that Roe will continue to be protected. But we can't allow ourselves to grow complacient. In November, the Supreme Court heard the case of Gonzales v. Planned Parenthood contesting the federal abortion ban. The decision in this case, expected in a few short months, is critically important to protecting women's health and safety.
Interestingly enough, I am only 31 -- soon to be 32. I do not remember of a time when abortion was illegal. It's easy for someone around my age to just assume there is no going back. It very well may not be so.
So, don't forget to take action. Don't forget to learn the laws.
And definitely don't forget to vote.
We are living a hopeful time shown perhaps most visibly by the 2006 election that brought us the first woman speaker of the House, the strongly pro-choice Nancy Pelosi. This move gave us hope that Roe will continue to be protected. But we can't allow ourselves to grow complacient. In November, the Supreme Court heard the case of Gonzales v. Planned Parenthood contesting the federal abortion ban. The decision in this case, expected in a few short months, is critically important to protecting women's health and safety.
Interestingly enough, I am only 31 -- soon to be 32. I do not remember of a time when abortion was illegal. It's easy for someone around my age to just assume there is no going back. It very well may not be so.
So, don't forget to take action. Don't forget to learn the laws.
And definitely don't forget to vote.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Bad way to start off the morning
so I bust ass today to get all my stuff done this morning -- dishes unloaded, sheets off the beds and in the laundry, feed and dress Dane, wake Cole up to take Dane to school -- hurry home to feed and dress Cole and get him to school by 9. Feed the fish, feed and medicate the dogs, blah blah blah....so, I run to return Joel's overdue game, throw my bills in the mailbox and head to the dry cleaners all the while chanting "I do NOT want to work out but I will...I do NOT want to work out but I will." I, literally force myself to the gym....walk up...cursing the place....and I can't find my damn gym card....pull ALL my sh!t out of the bag (a new bag which is clearly the problem, I must have dropped my card when I changed into my new gym bag....ugh) a line starts to form behind me...it's just not there....so I run back to the car to get my license, which is in my purse...IN MY HOUSE...so I run back up and say "can't you just pull it up" and she says NO....but we can make you a new card but you'll have to pay for it...so I say SCREW IT and SCREW YOU and SCREW THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON...and headed to my sister's house where I am now knee high in cheezeits and regular non diet Coke.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
I slept like crap last night....had the most bizarre dream
and it's just paved the way for my mind to hop all over the place this morning.
Any dream decipherers out there?
Ok, from what I remember.... I was with a bunch of girls...ended up jumping in the back of a red fast convertible (like 8 of us) that Joel was driving (it was Joel --looked like him anyway-- but NOT Joel) to get away from something bad we were doing. He was driving really crazy and racing (like 100+mph against Tiger Woods -- in same car but black) and I was rotating between being scared out of my mind and loving it. Then we crashed and I was flying...not scared anymore but flying.
I landed in this McMansion....with all my girlfriends and we were again hiding from the owner of the house (still from something we did before) when all of the sudden Joel pops up...(again, Joel but not Joel) So imitaion Joel and I get all hot and heavy and I notice everyone's watching, but I dont' care.
Afterwards, we jump into the pool -- a huge mansion pool and I realize that there are these huge bubbles in the water. I go under and figure out that you can actually BREATHE with these bubbles...so I proceed to swim and swim and swim and just keep "breathing" under the water because of the bubbles. It was so free and so fun. I kept looking up and seeing all my friends all worried about me but trying to smile to them to tell them that I'm fine and this is the coolest thing.
Then I woke up.
???? weird, huh??????
Any dream decipherers out there?
Ok, from what I remember.... I was with a bunch of girls...ended up jumping in the back of a red fast convertible (like 8 of us) that Joel was driving (it was Joel --looked like him anyway-- but NOT Joel) to get away from something bad we were doing. He was driving really crazy and racing (like 100+mph against Tiger Woods -- in same car but black) and I was rotating between being scared out of my mind and loving it. Then we crashed and I was flying...not scared anymore but flying.
I landed in this McMansion....with all my girlfriends and we were again hiding from the owner of the house (still from something we did before) when all of the sudden Joel pops up...(again, Joel but not Joel) So imitaion Joel and I get all hot and heavy and I notice everyone's watching, but I dont' care.
Afterwards, we jump into the pool -- a huge mansion pool and I realize that there are these huge bubbles in the water. I go under and figure out that you can actually BREATHE with these bubbles...so I proceed to swim and swim and swim and just keep "breathing" under the water because of the bubbles. It was so free and so fun. I kept looking up and seeing all my friends all worried about me but trying to smile to them to tell them that I'm fine and this is the coolest thing.
Then I woke up.
???? weird, huh??????
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
