Part 3: Costa Rica.....what an experience....

I could go on and on about our trip to Costa Rica....looking back at it now...I feel less extreme about it, so I hope you can read that in my tone of voice (isn't that just an odd little sentence?) I guess I don't know what I wanted in Costa Rica in regard to the relationship Joel and I held. There have been 6 months that have now passed and that hasn't eased that confusion at all.

1. It was one of my very best girlfriends weddings. I have known Rentch for the better part of my life, literally, and was honored and blessed to watch her make this vow. I had some previous issues with her fiance, however, we had bridged the gap within the past 2 or so years. Most of that came to be because of Joel. Joel became bosom buddies with Jason. At first, like I said before, I loved it. Our families hung out all the time and it was like all was right in the world. In that light....I was so excited to be going to Costa Rica......Gosh, COSTA RICA to see my best friend get married to a man who really was trying to become something of himself. Joel and I had discussed how we were going to handle it --neither of us were willing to miss it -- and so we agreed to go, celebrate with our best friends and let whatever happened happen.

2. I had very strange feelings about what this trip was going to do to Joel and I. I missed him incredibly in the weeks that were leading up to the trip. Even though we weren't really getting along, I think, truth be told, that I was hoping that we would somehow find one another again. You know, when we got away from the work bullshit, the house bullshit, the family bullshit and just had fun together. I was hopeful, but also extremely guarded ... and realistic.

3. Justin. Justin obviously was extremely worried about me going to Costa Rica. We had never really been apart and he obviously knew how turmoil my relationship was with Joel. The days leading up to Costa Rica had Justin being extremely needy and me thinking more and more that he was NOT the person that I should be with. I left him with a bit of sadness, but more hopeful that, upon my return, the stars would have aligned and I'd be with the person whom I was meant to be with.

Ugh.

It was really tough. We were there 8 days -- the first couple were nice. Joel and I kind of played pseudo-couple....hung out a bit -- smiled for the camera together...



There was one encounter -- we both talked and agreed how lonely we were and how much we missed the other's touch -- and things occurred that shouldn't have. I regret it now. It wasn't pleasant...I was drunk and he was drunk and on coke (I've since found out that was a past time of his). It also was the catalyst to making the rest of the trip HELL for us. We got into a huge fight the next night (he doesn't remember) and I almost went home. I read all these text messages on his phone from all sorts of women. I was very hurt. Things were said like "how long after your divorce....blah blah blah"...we hadn't even officially discussed divorce. I was disgusted. I let him know it. I think we may have let most of Costa Rica (at least the greater Tamarindo area) know that we hated each other.










Fast forward a bit....With the grace of God and kindness of our friends (especially Angela...I love love triple love you) we made it thru a gorgeous wedding though and ended up having a fun time all the while fully ignoring each other.



I had been emailing Justin from Costa Rica -- short updates about what we were doing (it really is an amazing country and we did so much) and little updates on Joel and I. Justin always said the sweetest things and I did...I really DID...miss him.



We made it back home to Arizona on April 24th. I let Joel know that I was going to be filing for divorce. He was seemingly emotionless about it.

Two days later....Justin was over and we were sitting at the computer looking at pictures of Costa Rica. Justin had gotten off work around 11pm -- the boys were with me at home and had been sleeping for hours.... we were being quiet because we didn't want the boys to know Justin was over....I was showing him all the "sites" from our trip. I was enjoying the quietness and cleanliness of my house, being next to Justin, and the first 2 sips of Coors light....when

!!!!!!!!!!!!!SLAM!!!!!!!!!!

Joel came tearing down the hallway in a complete psychotic rage.....eyes blazing red, spit flying from his mouth and an overwhelming powerful anger that made me feel that some mass mental murderer just entered my sanctuary and was about to wreak hell on anyone that got in his way....

I

was

absolutely

100%

terrified..........

(to be continued)