We just got back from Florida and my brain is spinning while my body remains exhausted. The original purpose of this particular blog was to enlighten the few that read it on the conclusions that I've come to on this trip. However, I am having difficulty getting my point across without sounding as if I am a victim. I most certainly am not -- and I hold no ill feelings toward anyone-- just simply a reawakening of MY spirit that somehow seems to become faded when I cross the Mississippi river.
If you read the previous post you will know that we were out of town for a a dedication and celebration of Joel's grandfather's life. Generally, in my immediate family, it brings us all closer -- stories told, tears shed amongst great fits of laughter, hugs given and genuinely felt, and just an all around sense of "familiness". I must admit that I didn't get that feeling this time around. It's no secret that my relationship with my inlaws is, at times, a bit strained. This trip opened my eyes. It's not solely upon my shoulders that this uneasiness lies...But with my husband, and even (gulp) possibly my children.
I've been forced to open my eyes to the differences in how I was raised and how my husband was and ultimately to the relationships we have with our nuclear families today-- This has allowed both of us to sit down and say how we plan on treating our children. Joel and I bonded on another level in this trip. I saw the man that I love genuinely defeated and disappointed only to see his courage and love blossom into focusing on US. It really warmed my heart and made me proud of him. It's hard to say "goodbye" to your expectations -- to simply turn your back on the part of you that just repeatedly gets hurt, to dry the eyes that repeatedly cry and become a larger MAN because of it and not letting them do that to you anymore. Joel David....You are a great man.
So the rest of our trip was wonderful...Heavenly days spent on white sand playing with two boys that just are the coolest things around. We built sand castles, buried ourselves, shot squirtguns, swam in the gulf, drank fruity cocktails, spent time with others who love us and enjoy our company, and the boys flew their first kites. Being the blubbering fool that I am....as daddy was helping them keep it up in the air, I just teared up thinking "this is what it's all about". Disappointments come and go, but this....RIGHT here....will forever be ours. Time to focus on all of THIS and let THAT go. It's overdue. So as the kite was ripping and roaring in the ocean breeze above our heads, I looked at my husband and my children laughing and I laughed too.
....Let's go fly a kite, up where the air is right, Let's go fly a kite and keep it soaring!....."
1 comment:
I am so sorry that Joel was hurt. Sometimes parents forget that their kids have feelings too.
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