Direction - not just intention - will get you to your destination.

I heard that in church this weekend. It's stuck with me since. In fact, the whole service stuck with me. Now, listen, I am not some religious fanatic nor do I ever really believe in the idea of being "saved" or whatnot...but something happened to me in church on Sunday. The simple fact that I went is monumental enough -- but the entire service seemed to speak directly to my life and many, MANY, times I had tears in my eyes (a few that even fell.) I don't know -- call me crazy or call me touched by the Holy Spirit, it was powerful and I liked it.

So, back to that line: Direction -- not just intention -- will get you to your destination. Think about that. I think that for so much of my life I have just sort of floated along and hoped that things would work out. The lucky part of that -- has also been the detriment. It usually has. In the middle of the sermon, the pastor asked us to think of our biggest regret and then asked which ones of us would go back would and redo it. I instinctively felt that frog in my throat and with tears in my eyes, nodded my head "yes" while out of the the corner of my eye saw my 9 year old raise his hand. (??? -- he's such an old soul, wise beyond his years -- another post for another time.) I don't think it's any secret that my biggest regret is the way that my marriage ended. I still really do hate that I hurt Joel so deeply. I will probably never forgive myself for that. Direction -- not just intention -- will get you to your destination. I thought marriage was going to be easy. I figured Joel and I could write the book on the damn topic, in fact. I truly intended to be with him, as his wife, for the rest of my life. The problem -- I had no direction. And before I noticed that the marriage was headed in absolutely the wrong one -- it was far too late.

I think the same could be said about nursing school. I have always had the intention to be a nurse. I'm serious, even since I was a little girl. Even after I changed my major at U of A, I planned on returning to get my nursing degree. After Dane was born, I intended to finish my prerequisites. After Cole was born, I intended to get on the waiting list. And, in my dream of life, when he was in Kindergarten I would miraculously get admitted into the program and graduate 4 mere semesters later. I intended to fulfill this dream easily and without hardship. Well, by now it's also perfectly clear that this hasn't happened. Life was spinning when I got into school -- and I just figured it would all work out if I could just "hang in there." Here I am -- redoing block 3 -- and wondering how it's all going to end.

See, my intentions have always been clear -- but I lacked direction. I mean really, think about it -- if I wanted to go to Disneyland -- planned for it, booked the hotel and even bought the tickets -- yet, I ended up on the I-17 going North, I wouldn't get there. (Generalizations, but I hope you get my point.) So in my relationships, in nursing school, and in my life, I have redirected my path with dedication. I have chosen direction. With direction comes great responsibility. It has deadlines and personal goals. It has discipline and difficulty but in the end, it has conviction and success. Goals are reached with direction and hard work.

...and perhaps a little grace of the Holy Spirit, if I'm lucky.