She's pretty ugly, isn't she? And, I don't mean the tattoos or back fat, people
Ok....breeeeeaaaaattttttthhhhhhheeeeeee.
I hate today.
Today (after a terrible night's sleep which was precluded with a discussion in the jacuzzi with Justin about some demons I realize that I have to face) I return to the Doctor for one last final chance on cutting the bastard out. I think I need to give it a name. Something ugly and horrible, yet stern and stubborn. I have to think about that one. Anyway, my appointment is at 9:30. This is it folks. If this doesn't work, we have to start looking at alternative methods to beat this crap (and none of them sound fun.) shutter I'm particularly nervous about this appt. Not so much because of what they will be doing, or if it will hurt or not, but simply because then I go into another waiting period to see if they got it all. I may be a lot of things -- but patient? Nope. Patient is not even a word in my top 10. sigh
But look at my tarot card reading for the day: Strength
Strength and fortitude. From energy follows thought and action. Power that is respected. Quiet control of oneself and others. Need to bring strength from deep within and continue on in face of adversity. Strength of mind as well as body is needed. Difficult tasks ahead. Focus on all goals at once. Control of all resources at one's disposal. Ability to do what is needed when time is right. Knowing oneself and one's gifts as well as one's weaknesses.
How cool is that? Ok, I am going to draw from that. I know it sounds silly, but I believe that God gives me messages and sometimes he smacks me straight in the noggin' to prove His point. But I do believe that He is with me and is telling me to simply be strong and get past this and on with my life. Nursing school starts up again on the 14th. Block 4, baby. And then I'm done. I'm very interested in oncology. Perhaps this is God's way of letting me taste the frightening diagnosis of the "C" word to allow me compassion and grace when dealing with those faced with the diagnosis and much more grim reality of death. ...much like suffering miscarriages... Who really knows....
...but what I do know is that the show must go on...
...so think of me, pray for me and then wait with me. tick, tock, tick, tock.
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