I've had a rough couple days....

...it may be as simple as coming back from Country Thunder -- which was seriously "out of this world" fun... but I think I need to go back to my doctor and get back on some meds. I'm pretty all over the place...and have been so absolutely filled with anxiety that it isn't funny. I'm back to not sleeping. I'm back to wanting to drink all the time. I'm up, I'm down, I'm all around, but mostly I'm just panicked and worried filled.

Right now, we are on our psych rotation in school (another stress to mention later) and I've been learning about certain meds. MY GOODNESS they had me so doped up back after the bad spell. NO WONDER I was falling asleep all the time -- in class, during the day, in school, and even while driving. Scary stuff. But I think they may have been trying to tranquilize an elephant (another stress to mention later.) We are at the Arizona State Mental Hospital right now and I was flipping thru this chart...I was literally put on every drug that this psychotic, schizophrenic patient who literally had killed people was on.

WHAT IN THE WORLD!~?

Seems like overkill to me....

...but at the same time -- I need something. The good thing is that my head is on straight this time around (at least it's attached - really -- last time I'm not so sure) and I am armed with information. I'm pretty sure if I simply go on ONE of the drugs daily that it could greatly help me (and of course, I wouldn't give my xanax away for the panic moments if you gave me a million dollars)

So...well...I have a month left of a class that I won't pass -- and then I will have the summer to really take better care of myself. Get into the doctor. Lose weight. Declutter. I have a wonderful family -- especially my kids who come back to me today (they've been at their dad's -- another stress to mention later -- and perhaps part of the reason for the funk) I love my boyfriend (who gets SO MUCH of the shit laid on him....and I KNOW I couldn't do it without him -- wouldn't want to.)

I can do this... (when the time permits. UGH)

Let's see what the quote is for the day...

April 8 (Happy Birthday, Kerry)

Practice hope. As hopefulness becomes a habit, you can achieve a permanently happy spirit