We had the boys 2 weekends in a row -- Joel headed out of town and we had a Beiriger picnic-- so it's been really nice having them partake in the fun. I just love the boys to pieces. Their dad gets home tomorrow -- and I'm already sad thinking about them getting picked up.
Other than that -- I'm doing OK. Money is such a stressor. Justin is looking hard for a job -- but it is terrifying thinking about living on my salary alone. We had to borrow money (again) to be able to go grocery shopping. It will work out -- I do believe that it will, but I am scared right now. There is just nothing for sure. Joel claimed he mailed a check -- however -- I haven't received anything....never ever thought that he would stop paying child support...never. I know I shouldn't bank on him coming thru, but never the less, I do...and it's scary.
This week I will have a little overtime on my check which will be nice...and hopefully something comes thru for Justin.
Counseling -- well...I've been asked to sit out of the next session so she can focus solely on Justin. I know she is going to ask him point blank, "do you really want to be with her" because he completely tries to sabotage things when things are really going well. I'd like to believe the answer is "yes" but I seriously don't know what the next step is. He makes my blood boil sometimes...and then other times, when the stress of money isn't weighing us down (like this weekend) we truly understand and love our time together and each other. I don't want to live my life without him. I know that much. I guess time will tell.
Time...will...tell.
*sigh*
But today is Sunday -- and we have nothing to do but play with the boys -- and go grocery shopping. I'm sure we will be in the pool...or sprinklers or both. And there will be a lot of laughter...because Dane, Cole and Justin are guaranteed to make that happen.
The clouds have lifted and the sun is brightly shining. My head is clearing as well, and my eyes are beginning to see the beauty of the light. Promise. Hope. Happiness.
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