John Francis Kealy Sr. (June 20, 1944 - August 16, 2007)

"It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things." — Lemony Snicket (Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid)

Unbelievable to me really, that it's been 2 years since I had my dad. My life has continued in many ways, after all, "Life goes on." I know that he is still with me -- still watched over me and my children. But I wish he was here -- I wish he was there to help give me much sought out advice and love. He did it in a way that no one else has ever been able to. He was rational and smart, yet he loved deeper than any man I've ever known.

My life since his death has been a learning curve. I fall, and I get up again. I celebrate, and I get kicked in the stomach. I have cried more tears in the last 2 years than any I have cried in the entire 32 years before. "My dad's gone. My marriage is over. My life is full of uncertainty. What is going to happen to my family now?" I remember walking out of the hospital that morning in such a daze..."and then there were 6". *heart wrenching.* Would my life be different if he wouldn't have died? There's no way in telling....

I was talking to a friend the other day and he said "when do you miss him most?" I got huge tears in my eyes and said seeing the boys accomplishments. I don't know how to explain it except to say that my parents were SO PROUD of my kids - and knowing how excited they get about my children, made me even more proud than I originally was.... Walking up to Dane's football game -- or Cole's soccer game -- I'd always be able to spot out my dad -- sitting on his little chair, his hat on, spitting out sunflower seeds and drinking his frozen water filled mostly of lemon juice. He never missed a game. He was always there.

But one thing my Dad taught me was that I AM CAPABLE -- and that I AM WORTH IT. My parents instilled an inner strength is us to take what comes, dust yourself off and move forward. My Dad especially was perfect at being able to take the bad with the good -- and when it was good -- it was the best.

I will never forget my feelings the day that my dad died. I won't forget how he looked, how he smelled and how my family surrounded him with love and prayer. But, more so, I will always remember the life we had together -- when I was a little girl with chicken pox and he brought me a home a HUGE koala bear (with a baby koala). When I was a teenager in angst and he was with me through it all. He brought me to get my driver's license. He cried at my graduations. He walked me down the aisle. He hurt with the loss of my first child and cried tears of happiness with the birth of my two children. He was there for me...He loved me. I know that....and for that, I'm truly blessed.

I miss you, Dad. I love you.